Need some relationship advice! Ask our resident Agony Aunt, the lovely Mrs Miller. Read more
The last time my husband and I had sex was 4 months ago. In the beginning of our marriage – 9 months ago – we used to do it regularly. Practically every day! Now he complains that he’s too tired or that HE has a headache or he says things like “Did you marry me for sex or because you love me” which makes me feel bad and pushy. I have a very high sex drive and I am afraid that I may be unfaithful if this carries on. How do I heighten his libido? Please help – we are practically newlyweds!
This is a tough one. People have varying sex drives. It's just a fact of life. I normally advise couples to make sure their sex drives are compatible before they get married as this can cause a lot of heartache and insecurity as you might well know.
While most couples go through dips and peaks when it comes to sex, it is rather unusual that you are entering such a long lasting dip so early in your marriage.
What I do find interesting is the fact that you used to have sex regularly and then it just stopped. From your letter it seems as if your husband is suddenly feeling very defensive. Do you have any idea why this can be? Did anything change in or out of the bedroom? Perhaps he is feeling too much pressure from you to perform? Perhaps he is suffering from depression? Perhaps he is harbouring feelings of anger or resentment towards you?
The trick is to talk about it and try to get to the bottom of this. I'd suggest you speak to a professional couples' counselor. It might seem awkward at first, but it will most probably give you insight into the situation and save your marriage. In the mean time, try to ease off the pressure and seduce him into intimacy. Perhaps if the goal isn't sex, but rather just friendly physical intimacy he might relax. Stroke his back, kiss him often, play with his hair, rub his feet. And as for you? Masturbate! But mind, this is only a solution for the interim until you get to the bottom of this.