Need some relationship advice! Ask our resident Agony Aunt, the lovely Mrs Miller. Read more
I found two unopened condoms in my husband's travel bag. He travels once a week for two days.
When confronted, he merely said it was for personal use. Should I believe that he is in fact using condoms to masturbate or am I being fooled? We've been married for 6 years now and have two children age 4 and 1. Over the last year he lied quite a bit about drugs, whereabouts etc. Wonder if the condom thing is not a lie too.
He's very suspicious on his blackberry and has a password which I'm not allowed to have. He also works on his laptop quite often and closes the screen when one approaches. He has two passwords on his laptop too.
He's been arrested for drunken driving last year and spent one night in jail. He was meant to be at a company dinner but ended up at Teasers then got caught when I called to tell him to come home from the dinner which was now at 2am in the morning. I want to get a PI but don't have the money to do so and therapy is too expensive too - I don't know what to do?!
He also constantly complains that he doesn't have money to buy the kid's clothes or take them to the doctor but can buy beers and meat for a braai and support his drug habit too. Please can you advise?
I am very sorry, but it is highly likely that your husband is lying to you again. I have never heard of a man who uses condoms for masturbation. This doesn't mean yours doesn't - (I don't know the masturbation habits of every man on earth) but combined with all the other information in your letter I am sorry to say that he sounds exceedingly dodgy.
From your letter it doesn't sound as if he is living up to his responsibilities as a husband and father. Getting arrested for drunk driving, bying drugs, sitting in Teasers at 2 in the morning, spending the money for the kids on braais for his friends... This is not acceptable behaviour for a responsible adult who has 2 young children.
Added to that is his absence from home every week. If he lies to you and keeps all these secrets (the locked BB, the passwords etc) when he is with you, imagine what he gets up to when you're not there to "check up on him"!?
I don't think you need a P.I. I think you need a lawyer. And therapy. Go to your nearest FAMSA branch (www.famsa.org.za) and ask for guidance. They provide information and therapy for free.