QUESTION

I'm a black girl 22. During my final exams I discovered that my boyfriend of 4 years had made another girl pregnant. I was a total wreck and failed my exams. I got rid of the rat, took a year off from my studies and found a job. My boss is a 55year old white male, very strict and scary at work, but the most charming, funny and loving person you will ever find, once you get close to him. This is how I did.

Another young girl collapsed at work, and my boss J had her taken to Hospital, as it was closing time and the girl lived far I went with her. J gave me money for the Hospital and taxi. WhilstIi was waiting at the hospital, J arrived to check if the girl was ok, gave me his cell number and said that if we left too late I should call him and he would book us into a guest house for the night.

A few weeks later my small sister 14, got raped and I was away from work for two days, as I had saved his number I phoned J. He said take as long as you like make sure your sister is ok. He called me to his office to ask how my sister was and noticed that I had a problem with my eye (I was losing sight in that eye). J arranged for me to see a specialist and within weeks my eye was fine. I was so grateful and told him so through smses. We started smsing each other and he was so funny I got hooked.

One day his wife was out of town and I ended up at his place and spent the night. He was the most fantastic lover I have ever had, the night was the most fantastic that I have ever had. J then found out that I had found a new boyfriend and asked if I was serious. I said yes as we were to be engaged. J said it was the end of our relationship as he did not want to jeopardize my relationship. The problem is that even tough I love my fiance, the sex is not the same. I long for J.

I know he is married and his family is the most important thing in his life, and me a poor black girl will never change that. The problem is that should I get an sms at any time, he sends on my birthday, Christmas etc, stating he wants me then I will run. Every time an sms comes thought I secretly wish it is J asking for sex, but no luck yet. Should I just save this as a fantastic experience and get on with my life? But how?