As a sexuality clinician and educator, Marlene recognises that all people have the right to access sexual and reproductive health services and information.
I am a male of 53. I spend time in bed with quite a number of ladies in my life. I believe that there are many myths about sex and women and that the church and sex therapists provide answers that very often misses the point.
If I may, I would love to discuss these experieneces with you.
I had realtionships with two women that were raped. The first was a lady of 34 years. She was a dancer in her younger years and was raped twice in her life. On one occasion she was followed by four young men after a show. They grabbed her, pulled her in a dark alley and raped her. At another time her car broke down late in the afternoon. Just before dark a man stopped to help her. He overpowered her and raped her.
The other lady was a bit older, 40. She was repeatedly abused, raped by her mother's second husband.
I always encouraged the women in my life to live their fantasies. I never tried to show jealousy or other signs of disapprovement. Both of these women wanted to relife their experiences when making love. Both of them asked for this repeatedly. Both of them experienced amazing orgasms when we "replayed" the rapes.
Please help me understand this. If I may I will ask other questions as well on a alter stage
This is heartbreaking story John. Truly heartbreaking. Thank you for your sensitivity to your lovers and to your own understanding.
Unfortunately what you describe is common among women who have been sexually violated - they have associated their own sexual arousal with these episodes of violence. hence the highest form of arousal for them is going back to that place of intense pain, humiliation and helplessness- even within a loving space. Which is why the request to repeat what feels for you unimaginable. it requires psychological counseling to get a woman to associate her sexuality with healthier arousal triggers.. Of course neither you nor I can insist on this- the woman have to decide this for themselves. Of course, as a lover, you have a right to express your own distress with this type of sex and you may request couple therapy for you to better understand it and accommodate it or not - into your own sexuality.
Continue to be tender with women.