Anyone who's seen the movie will understand the kind of bullying Thandi suffered in the 10 months she worked for him, but for the benefit of those who didn't see the movie, Priestley was demanding, unreasonable, manipulative, bitchy – and eroded any private life her assistant may have had.

But, unlike in the movie, Thandi didn't see it coming. In fact, the two got off to a positive start. 'The interview was only supposed to last 30 minutes but it turned into a long chat lasting about an hour and half,' she says. 'He introduced me to staff and showed me around the office. It went very well.' She had such a good feeling about her prospective employer that when a friend suggested Thandi speak to somebody who'd worked in the same office before her, she chose to go with her own positive feeling instead.

Two weeks into her new job, the first cracks started to show. After a series of meetings with stakeholders, Thandi summarised what had been discussed, e-mailed everybody concerned and copied her boss in on the e-mail. 'I got an e-mail from him saying something like, "Don't think that your job is just to send e-mails. There's real work to get done."'

'In the next couple of days I did a lot of reading to familiarise myself with the industry. He then asked me what I was doing because, he said, all I seemed to be doing was reading.' As soon as Thandi mastered one thing, her boss found another to fault.

That was bad enough. Then came the after-hours demands. 'He had access to e-mail 24 hours a day, so he'd send me stuff at odd hours: 10pm, 6am,' she says, 'although I didn't have access to 24-hour e-mail. Some staff members had BlackBerries, so I asked if I could get one and he just snapped: "Do you think a BlackBerry is going to do your job?"'

Things spiralled downwards even further after that. 'He was aggressive and rude,' Thandi said. 'I wasn't given room to really express myself – that was considered insubordination.'

Thandi started listening to what others were saying, and had been saying, about her boss – and she realised she was not alone. 'It became clear that I wasn't the problem when other staff members said that everybody who'd had my job had left because of him.'

As a black woman, Thandi was very conscious of people's negative perception of affirmative action appointments. So committed was she to changing those negative perceptions that the harder her boss pushed her, the harder she worked at getting him off her back.

'After three months, I realised I'd made a big mistake. But I wanted to show him that I could do the job. The more I improved, the more he found something else I wasn't doing right. My self-esteem plummeted. He was relentless. You just didn't know when he'd explode.'

Eventually, after 10 months of bullying, Thandi left.

Dr Susan Steinman, founder and chairperson of the Workplace Dignity Institute in Johannesburg, says that bullying at work is illegal. It infringes our rights as individuals. Steinman defines bullying as 'repeated and offensive behaviour that is vindictive, cruel or malicious.

'The intention is to humiliate, marginalise or undermine an individual or group of employees and includes psychological pressure, harassment, intimidation, threats, coercion, conspiracies, manipulation, extortion, hostility and unfair behaviour,' she says.

Steinman has published and written several books on workplace bullying and physical and emotional abuse in the workplace. Her book, Don't take Shitfrom Hyenas in the Workplace, shows that while there are a lot of people, like Thandi, who have had to leave their jobs as a result of bullying, it needn't be the only solution. There are structures available for dealing with the situation.

Dr Steinman's 10 steps for dealing with bullies at work
Look carefully at yourself
Bullies make you doubt yourself and your abilities. But to deal with a bully, you need to be sure of yourself. As soon as you suspect you're being bullied, take a step back. Examine your life. Write down your achievements and your goals. 'Do it for you,' says Steinman, 'Not for the bully.'

Diarise events
You may have to face off with the bully in a grievance or disciplinary hearing – so keep a meticulous record of events. Down even the smallest incident. 'In isolation it may not seem to constitute bullying, but courts take the cumulative effect of these incidents into consideration,' she says.

Gather your troops
Talk to friends and family outside of work about the situation. Second opinions help. There are also several books and websites on workplace bullying that you can turn to for confirmation and support, as well as for advice on how you can move forward. It's good to know you are not alone.

Confront the bully
'The biggest mistake victims make is to avoid confronting the bully,' says Steinman. Make it clear that you will not stand for vindictive treatment – and that you are aware of your rights. Do it face to face, with a formal letter to back it up. If you can, take a reliable witness with you – a colleague who has experienced similar intimidation, or a friend from another office. 'Be assertive. Don't be intimidated by the bully's position, tantrums or threats. Stand your ground.'

Talk to the bully's boss
'If confronting the bully doesn't help, go to management,' says Steinman. Be open and show that you know your rights. 'Don't tell the bully's boss not to tell the bully that you complained. Be clear on what you want: a transfer, the bully transferred or a grievance hearing.' put it in writing. 'If your correspondence is ignored, send reminders regularly, requesting a response and referring to previous correspondence.'

Request a grievance hearing
'Grievance hearings are geared towards resolving interpersonal conflict rather than bullying. And because of a lack of knowledge on the part of management, many victims don't find any joy at such hearings,' warns Steinman. Still, it's the first step towards more drastic action – and management will be forced to record and consider your position.

Keep your medical records
Your medical records could become very relevant if you have been seeing your GP or psychologist about stress-related illnesses or if you are undergoing treatment for depression as a result of workplace bullying. These records are important because your employer is, by law, required to provide a safe, healthy workplace. 'your employer can be brought to book for jeopardising your emotional health,' says Steinman.

Get a lawyer
If all else fails and the bullying continues, approach a labour law consultant for advice. 'Find a legal representative who cares for employees, has ample experience in labour law and preferably specialises in labour law,' says Steinman. At this point, your employer may summon you to a disciplinary hearing – it helps to have spoken to a lawyer before you go into the hearing.

Settle it at a tribunal
'Next and probably final option available to you once you've approached management and nothing's been done about the situation, is to approach the commission for conciliation, mediation and arbitration (CCMA),' she says. You will have to present your case to a commissioner of the CCMA, so you have to be absolutely meticulous in your record-keeping, have an excellent employment record ('skeletons in your cupboard like poor performance could work against you'), and ensure that your lawyer and witnesses are reliable.

Know when to leave
If your situation still doesn't improve, know that you have done all that can be done – and it is time to hand in your resignation. Sometimes it doesn't hurt to start again. 'During my darkest days I made the song "Just hold on tight to your dreams" my personal slogan and I never stopped singing the phrase,' says Steinman. 'Pick a song or a slogan and believe in it.' This is not about giving up on your current situation, it's about not allowing it to ruin the rest of your life.

*Name has been changed.