Abused by my wife
AJ was violently abused by his wife while they were married. This is his story, hear him out.
Image: Getty Images
It was a weekend last January. There was something I really wanted to buy, it was payday and so I wanted us to do the monthly budget to see if we had money left over for it.
Throughout Saturday I kept asking my spouse if we could do the budget, constantly I was told "later".
Ultimately, Saturday passed. On Sunday morning I asked again and was told: "I did it while you were asleep, there's no money for extras".
Shocked, I asked: "Wait, I don't even get to see the budget, when most of the money in it comes from my salary?"
My spouse picked up the heaviest object she could find, a rawhide chew-toy that we had bought for the dog - it weighed about a kilogram - and without another word, threw it at my head. It hit me straight in the eye.
I had enough. This time, it really was the last straw and my divorce will be final in December.
I'm sure you've read lots of stories like this over the past few days as the "16 Days of Activism" continues, but what you probably haven't read are any of them told by a man, about a woman.
You probably haven't read about having your entire life controlled, losing all your hobbies because if you spend even one second of your life paying attention to anything but her, you end up with scratch-marks that take weeks to heal.
So, it's 16 Days of Activism in support of violence against women. Surely we aren't supposed to be concerned with weak-willed men who let a tiny girl hit them and it's not like there are many battered men after all. Everybody knows most abused spouses are female.
This, like most things that "everybody knows" however, is just plain wrong.
Study after study has consistently found that abuse has no gender bias. Men are the victims of abuse just as frequently as women are.
In fact, the only minor gender bias that has been found (and confirmed by several studies) is that women-on-men abuse; tends to use significantly more extreme violence. This is probably because most women are physically weaker than men - so they hit harder and are more likely to kick or use weapons.
So why do we not hear about it?
I personally know as many male victims as female victims. I offer them my equal support. Why don't you?
Because there is a stigma about domestic violence against men, and that stigma keeps them quiet - even after it ends. I chose to speak out, in case somebody (whatever sex) hears my story, and walks out. Male survivors talk to me of their experiences, in confidence, because they know I won't judge - I've been there.
So why do we have 16 Days of Activism against half a problem? That is sexism at its worst. It's pretending half the victims don't exist, don't deserve to become survivors, and don't matter.
It's perpetuating the violence against them.
The part "against children" I support. Children are minors and deserve special protection, but adults are supposed to be equal. I am proud to support 365 days against domestic violence.
I won't even support one day of activism based on exclusion and sexism.
If you agree and want to support my views, click here.
Do you know of a man who has been a victim of domestic violence? Tell us what he did to make his life better...