Encounters of the female kind
There's no doubt that female friendships are special but some say it is essential for our survival...
Article: Erla-Mari Diedericks
Male and female friendshipsdiffer vastly, say authors Allan
and Barbara Pease in Why Men Lie and Women Cry (Orion). Have you wondered why two male best friends can spend an evening together and not talk about one personal detail or
not talk at all?
According to the Peases, men are traditionally 'fire gazers'. Because they were originally hunters, they have
evolved the ability to spend hours without saying a word.
When men do talk, they tend to discuss the bare facts, whereas women are interested in the feelings behind the facts.
We're not gossiping, we're surviving
It's been clinically proven that, when under stress, the body releases specific chemicals. Until recently the scientists thought they were 'fight or flight'
response chemicals. Researchers at the University of California in Los Angeles have found, however, that when women are under stress, the released hormones do not entice them to either fight or flee but to stay put and form friendships with other women.
The researchers
think this is a throwback to ancient times when it was better for survival that a woman stayed
where she was and looked after
the children, rather than to flee.
Authors Allan and Barbara Pease
say that making friends with
other cave women also ensured
a support system in case the
husband or partner died, leaving
the mother to fend for herself
and her family.
One reason why female
friendships are good for stress,
they say, is that women tend
to discuss their problems with
each other over and over – this
repetition appears to be a good
stress releaser.
To tell or not to tell
While friendships among women are healthy, it is important to make sure your friend can
be trusted before you tell her
any dark secrets, warns Jan
Yager in When Friendship
Hurts (Fireside). He advises
that you think twice before
sharing the following:
Business secrets
Bedroom secrets
Secrets that may harm
someone else
Anything you would not
like to be broadcast on the
six o’clock news.
More reasons
to have friends
However, the importance of these friendships cannot be undermined. In fact, a woman's identity is closely
linked to her friends, says
relationship researcher Ruthellen
Josselson. A woman is often
introduced to new interests,
ideologies and hobbies by
friends, she says. Research has
also found that friendships can
help improve self-esteem and
can provide a different outlook
on the world.
Women make the best friends
Over the years, it has come to
light in various research projects
into human relationships that
both men and women find
female friends to be the best.
The secret, say authors Ellen
Goodman and Pat O'Brien in I
Know Just What You Mean: The
Power of Friendship in Women's
Lives (Simon and Schuster), is
that women are good talkers
and listeners.
Defining friendships
When author Jan Yager asked
people to describe a good
friend, their criteria of a best
buddy were someone:
With
whom you can be yourself
Who you can turn to in times
of need
Who listens closely
without judging
Who does not
interrupt your tale of woe to
discuss her problem instead.
Can you attest to the healing powers of a good female friendship? Share your story in the comment box below.
- Ideas