Sex and the stork
The celebs are having plenty of saucy sex this week, a teen gets knocked up again, Amy better watch her back and Holly's out on her ass...
Hollywood is one fickle town, one minute you’re hot and the next you’re not. Things go out outta style like that... celebutots seem to be the only thing that never go outta style...
I am sad to report that things with Mr Viagra himself aka Hugh Hefner and his number one busty bunny, Holly Madison are officially o.v.e.r. Sob!! Seriously I am distraught! So they’re over and Holly has moved on out of the mansion and into her own pad!On a night out this week a reporter asked Holly if he could get into the mansion to film the infamous Halloween bash and Holly said "I have no pull anymore. Hef and I aren't together, I can't invite people." Dux! So there you have it, straight from the horse’s mouth!
According to a number of reports, the straw that broke the bunny's back was that Holly wanted to have a baby. One of the main reasons Hef and Holly's relationship has gone bust was their unsuccessful attempts to have children. "They tried many fertility treatments and couldn't get pregnant," a 'friend' revealed. "Holly really wanted to get married, but more than that, wanted a baby with Hef." Following rumours of a split, Holly recently said, "I want to be with somebody who I can be married to, and have kids." Mmm, so that's what went down. Can't say I blame Holly, who wants to bang an 82-year-old anyway?
Hillybillies
Ooops she's done it again! Britney's little sister jailbait Jamie-Lynn Spears is reportedly knocked up yet again. 17 years old with 2 kids... mmm, trailer park trash anyone? Jamie is rumoured to be 8 weeks pregnant, just 3 months after giving birth to her first baby Maddie. Jamie apparently thought she couldn't get pregnant while she was still breastfeeding – oldest mistake in the book! Her mom Lynne apparently went mad when she found out her little gal was knocked up. Family and friends are urging Jamie to end the pregnancy and tried to keep the whole skaandal a secret from everyone including the baby daddy – who I think is Casey Alridge, the previous sperminator but one can never be sure since he has been banging his ex-girlfriend...
With one teenage-mom daughter and another who's got a sex tape circulating, it's no wonder Britters’s parents are freaked out. Britney's mom and dad have slapped a six-month sex ban on Brit to prevent any bumps in the road on her way back to the top. Her fiercely protective ‘rents Jamie and Lynne feel that Britney's downfall was linked to the men in her life and want their daughter to refrain from sexy times for a while! Mmmm. Maybe Jamie should be the one with a sex ban!
Wedding bells may be ringing soon for Jessica Simpson and her bf Tony Romo after he was spotted looking at sparkly engagement rocks! Cute. Speaking of the Simpsons, when the hell is Ashlee gonna pop out her celebutot? She's been pregnant for like a year already! Ash just celebrated her 24th birthday last week with a Trailer Park Trash themed bash. Classy.
Halle Berry, who has just been voted the sexiest women alive by Esquire Magazine, and her sex-bomb boyfriend schmodel Gabriel Aubry are trying VERY hard for another celebutot according to the American media. Lucky girl!
Lindsay Lohan, the fair-weather lesbian, is in the closet this week (again) but is telling all and sundry that she is ready for a kid. In a recent interview with Marie Claire magazine Linds spilled that she wanting to adopt a kid! Who does she think she is, Brangelina?
And speaking of Brangelina, rumours were circulating like wildfire last week that the genetically blessed super couple had split and that Angie was suffering from depression. It was so intense that the couple even released a statement to dispel the rumours – something they never do. Long live Brangie!
She's been out of the limelight for quite some time, thank the lord, but Paris Hilton is back! The socialite is in London Town trying to get some dimwit to be her friend. Paz is filming her reality show Find Paz a BFFE or some nonsense and all she can talk about is babies. I mentioned a few months back she was wanting to reproduce, shudder. I suppose now that she's been in a 'long-term' relationship for a whole 7 months, it's time for her to unleash her spawn on the world.
And hottie Leonardo De Caprio also has babies on the brain. He has also revealed he is looking to become a dad... mmm Leo don't you need a betty for that? Maybe he's doing a Ricky Martin!
Crackie come home...
Amy Crackhouse better look over her beehive because Tom Cruise wants her ass... figuratively of course, no-one would be wanting to tap that. Maybe Tommy is looking for a new robobride! One of Am's inner circle blabbed to the media that the Queen of Crack received a call from the celeb branch of the Church Of Scientology! According to her big-mouthed mate, the Church wants to use their Narconon drugs programme to help Am's kick her crack habit. How lovely of them. They told Ams that they could tailor-make a programme for her so she wouldn't have to go to a residential centre, and she loved that idea because her jailbird bonehead husband Blake will be out of prison soon and wouldn't want to be away from him when he's finally freed! I've always said they are so Romeo and Juliet on crack!
And to add to the whole tragic love thang, Blake and Amy’s fame-loving pops Mitch are having some drama! It's emerged that Blake has sent a vile and abusive 6-page letter to Mitch. Who knew he could write? The poison pen note from prison is packed with violent threats and abuse aimed at her dad. The letter is now in the hands of the police and solicitors as Mitch weighs up a difficult conundrum — press charges and risk his relationship with Amy or let Blakey off the hook again! Oooh the drama of it all!
Until next week...xoxo