Working mothers – are we skiving?

Do working mothers have it easier than others? Sam tackles the issue.

Article: Sam Wilson

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Do you think working mothers have it easier at work than non-breeders?

Fairlady ran a story on this terribly touchy topic a while back, which I found really brave and interesting. And... eye-opening.

I feel nothing asking my boss, Deirdre (who is also a working mother) for time off if I need to cover for my husband or housekeeper on the child care front. That's the upside.

I'm very careful not to abuse this, though. I can access our office server from home and Deirdre and I have many a 9 – 11pm email work discussion, after our four children are safely down. It's this tacit understanding – that we both know we work at night – which allows us a little (and only a little) day time flexibility.

Given the number of working mothers I find online at night, I'm assuming this arrangement is fairly standard for us mother-managers. I don't know whether it works for mothers with more day-to-day output commitments. You tell me.

Of course, we could never make this arrangement official as that would screw with our entrenched concept of professionalism – work and home don't mix in the corporate world. (Don't get me started on that actually, it's one of my pet peeves. Just because you can't do two things at once boys, doesn't mean we can't).

But where does that leave the non-sprogged among us? Are they left carrying the can?

One of my friends, Nicola, firmly believes so.

"Breeders always trump leave requests," she spat over drinks one evening. "And is it my fault YOUR kid needs the dentist? Or that sports day happens during the working week?

"Hell, if I asked to go watch my boyfriend play soccer on a Wednesday afternoon, I'd be laughed out of the office. It drives me mad."

I get her point. But I'd like to hear yours. Are there mothers out there with one foot in the office and one in the park? Or are the kid-free being childish?

Do you agree with Sam's opinion? Share your thoughts below.

- Women24

well i'm not a mother biologically but i am raising my 16 year old brother as our parents passed away. now i am working and studying at the same time, it's difficult but i'm able to deliver at work, home and my studies are going realy well, my point is, i dont think working mothers should be given extra benefits because they have to attend soccer games or take the child to a dentist or the nanny not showing up, they should be treated just the same any other working woman, i know this may sound rather harsh but isn't it what we are forever fighting for, to be treated equally? now if we keep on having these little things on the side, how will men ever find us equal? now this is from a mother and i know very well about those days you wish you could attend a hockey game or perfomance at school but we chose to be working mothers and should not expect any favours just like our counter parts without kids, they dont get preferance and so should we.

Sam ? I love all your columns! I?ve learnt that you do tend to get more sympathy (re the family problems) from the men you work with! I have experienced more women discriminating against women in the working environment than men discriminating against the working moms. It is always the older single girls that I think are just jealous / the ?happily divorced? ones without kids? The excuse to ?take off work because of the children? is only acceptable while the kids are still small and get sick and need their mother. As they get bigger, it does get better ? I promise! Working moms I know - must time manage like crazy! I respect the ones that rush around every lunch hour to either shop for school projects or drive kids between school and home / other activities. I'm lucky as I've got my mom to rely on for that. Other working mothers that "make it" are the ones that know how to rely on / partner with the nanny / au-pair at home / grandmother. We do start getting more Dads that help with these tasks. Dads? careers in general tend to get priority, but they do help, don?t they! I know of an engineering company where all staff must work half an hour later everyday ? so that they can take ANY afternoon off! It works very well and all staff treated fair. So let?s start pushing for this, gals!

As a working mom with a three year old that goes to daycare, I start work an hour earlier, I work through my lunch and I work an hour and a half after work hours each day and that entitles me to go off at any time I need to for the sake of my child being sick etc. However, I don't abuse this understanding I have between myself and my boss. Thankfully I have an understanding boss that will let me go off immediately if I ask on the last minute if my child is sick etc but I will make sure my work is always up to date or that I am able to catch up on it the next available day that I'm in the office - so it's all about prioritising and good time management between family work home. I agree with Liz 100%

My pet peeve is working moms who rely on non working or even worse, working from home moms, to be available to fetch and carry - myself and daughter work from home - with 2 primary school boys here - the number of my daughters working friends who take advatage of our situation is quite mind boggling.

I am a working mom of a three year old boy & thank God I have an understanding boss who let me go if it have something to to with my boy (good or bad) but I don't ABUSE this though. I aso make sure that my work is done or update what needs to be done.

Hey, what about working dads? Are you saying dads never take time off work to look after sick kids, take them to the dentist or go and watch the soccer game? Maybe I'm just lucky that my hubby does those things...

Women with children or not, we can't forget why we all work - to deliver value to the company we work for! I am aware of people who can spend hours in the office with nothing to show for it. Anyone - man or woman, with or without kids, who has the nerve to ASK for emergency - or leisure time off should be conscious of their work load and expectations from both clients and line managers, and honour that responsibility. Frankly - as long as people deliver - and keep work up to date, they should be allowed as much time off as they need. I say: girlfriends should go watch boyfriends fool around in the park; husbands should surprise their wives with a matinee, grandma's must take the grandkids to ballets competitions and mothers must respond to home emergencies with no guilt - as long as they don't shirk responsibilities at work and put in extra when the business requires.

I wouldn't employ mothers... or fathers for that mattter! I would expect them to attend every possible meeting that they could. Guess it's really a catch 22 situation each time. But in reality the folk that pick up the slack are those that don't have kids.

Having a full time career and being a mother is hectic!!! Fathers do help but they can very seldom be the mother. My children (3 and 5) needs me when going to dr. I do have lots of support and systems in place but flexibility is neccessary. One should rather concentrate on output at work then strictly following the clock!! Most women having a career and parent are very aware of this. Men understand this much better than other (single/childless) women. They are really the worst people as they have no sympathy or empathy. I think all employees should be judged on achieving goals and get away from clocks. We waste hours in traffic to be at work at 8h00 like sheep!!! You could have spend this at work or with your children a lot more productive. Everybody needs more flexiblity to be more productive!!

I don't have children and don't intend to soon, but I have enormous respect for those who do. Although I do believe that some people aren't meant to be parents, and it seems like having children is the latest "phad". In this country mothers don't choose to be working mums, they HAVE TO work coz the cost of living (and feeding) is extremely high and Dad's salary alone doesn't always cut it. I don't mind the mums in my office getting extra time off to attend to emergencies, but I also have a life with my husband and sometimes something pops up and I need to go. So in the end it's not a question of being a "breeder" or not, it's about being a human being with responsibilities. On the other hand it should never be abused. But bosses should be a bit lenient with their staff, coz unhappy staff become unproductive. But that's another debate for another time.

The majority of the moms that I know are working women. None of them start the day by thinking, "hey how can I use my child to extort some family responsibility hours from my company today?". Each one of us constantly feel the stress of being committed to our companies while raising our children. I left a promising career to work closer to home - 10mins as opposed to 3 hours in traffic. Not to mention being 5 minutes from home in case of emergencies. It's a very simple concept: Jobs are replaceable, children are not. Ask any parent who has ever lost a child.

I think moms work harder because we are in mommy mode most of the time, we care for everything at work and we want to succeed more.... we can actually fit more work in during normal hours - because we have to! so if our bosses let us have time off to take our kids to the dentist its because they know how hard we work and that we are reliable enough to always make up for it in many other ways. If my child is really sick and I want 2 hours off I dont see the problem, I never take leave for nothing.

Being a single mom of two aged 19 and 7 and no other support system or financial support in place, I find it extremely difficult to juggle both work and kids. Firstly my 7yr old is very clingy and constantly needs my attention whereas my 19yr old has to be monitored 24/7 as he is extremely mischievous and always in trouble. So how does one do this when u at work and have to concentrate on the job at hand. I sometimes wish I could work from home - that way I could take care of both and still earn an income. However, because I'm not skilled with my hands or creative, more the office-admin type and the fact that I do not have a computer nor can afford one for home, what choices are left to me. Especially since neither dad is interested in any of their kids not even to give me a break from time-to=time and offer to babysit for at least half a day. So what are the options open to me????

There can be no comparison! Working moms having it easier ? Hell no! We have more to juggle and when we take time from work to rush kids off to Doctors or attend a sports day - this to me should not be a choice or scoffed at by the childless. It is not exactly as though we are sitting somewhere with our feet up or at the aps or having a manicure, probably all things that people who are childless get to do. No matter what you path in life is there are compromises to be made. Being a parent is a huge rsponsibility, one that childless people cannot understand. Heck, I never understood it till my children came. You also cannot, as one reader tried to do, compare a childs school concert / sport to a Boyfriends sporting event - for obvious reasons - but one being Boyfriend is an adult who can understand when you say I have to work and won;t have his little heart crushed when he looks around and doesn't see your face.

Ideally, mothers shouldn't really work but since we have no choice. We do. One thing I've noticed though is that if you don't have kids, you'll never experience what mothers go through: good and the not-so-good. As a single mother, I have no one else to take my daughter to the doctor if she's ill, no one to stay at home if my help doesn't pitch. These are all motherhood hazards that are unavoidable. How does this fit into the workplace? It doesn't because I shouldn't even be working and mothering.

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Working mothers – are we skiving?

Do working mothers have it easier than others? Sam tackles the issue.

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