Are you keeping a secret?
Meagan Karstens hoards 'em. And while she knows it pays to come clean, she's been through enough to learn that some truths should remain unshared.
Like most couples, my relationship with my boyfriend is based on trust and honesty. I do, however, hoard some secrets about my past which are neither shameful nor treasured. For me, this is simply the safer option.
But with spring surreptitiously making its way into one's life, perhaps it's time to consider unpacking THE files. What do you think?
Once bitten, twice shy
"Tell me," my boyfriend would plead, "it can't be bad." And he's right; it's not all that dreadful. But once Pandora's not-so-evil Box is misinterpreted and received with a disapproving gesture, I cowardly retreat, wishing I had rather kept my mouth shut.
Being honest about one's past should be a relief, never a burden. But if this is true then why am I still measuring the pros and cons before coming clean?
It's because I care – his reaction matters to me.
In a casual conversation with a friend, I realised that my situation isn't unique. "I can't speak about the past to my boyfriend either," confessed Carla, "without him taking offense."
And so, like me, Carla hates these intimate talks with her partner. Her approach however is different to mine. "I ask myself what I'll accomplish by revealing my indiscretions. And only if the odds are in our favour, do I tell him."
Basically, if it's irrelevant, she avoids the topic entirely.
Maybe it's too soon?
Women24 editor, Sam Wilson is wholly against any form of deceit. "I tell my husband everything," she says, "and I really believe it is the making of our relationship." But perhaps that's the difference?
You see, while Sam's relationship is mature and well established, my one year courtship is in its infancy phase and still very vulnerable.
When it's time to tell
When trying to determine if you should come clean about something that has happened, consider these questions:
Is your secret too big to keep to yourself? Has it become a lie?
If you don't come clean, will someone else do it for you? What if he/she finds out elsewhere?
Is your secret a problem? Is it a drug or alcohol addiction; or possibly an affair?
Are you plagued with guilt? Remember that a guilty conscience can wear you down and often a simple confession can do a world of good.
How do you feel about secrets within a relationship? Do you hide or fabricate information to keep the peace? Can you think of more reasons to come clean? Share your tips and comments in the box below.
- Women24