The Good Penis
Does penis size matter? Sex columnist Dorothy Black thinks so...
When a significant new boy comes on to the scene, it's imperative that you ask yourself a few pertinent questions.
Is he lovely? Is he kind? Does he have a penis you could live with for the rest of your life?
The last is important, see, because I don't pick out crockery for a future with a small penis. I have found that a diminutive member is riddled with issues and the harbinger of dismal sex. In addition, it’s simply dangerous.
Point. I once gave a guy a hernia during sex. Well, I say ‘I’ when really he gave himself one. While I’d like to claim it was due to sexual gymnastics of Olympian proportions, it was, in fact, due to his heroic attempt to make his little peen do something that it was not capable of: give pleasure.
The man had a dick that bore an uncanny resemblance to my thumb. Only less hard. It was unfortunate.
For a week I played the dutiful girlfriend tending the wounded man that had busted a gut in our first throes of rupture rapture. I held his hand on the way to surgery and brought him crème brûlée while he lolled about in a drugged post-op stupor. But as soon as he was able to keep the pudding down, I bid my adieus to him and his tiny willy and skipped out of the hospital never to look back.
Superficial? I'm ok with that. It's no more superficial than choosing a man for his intelligence, witty humour or bank balance. It either works for you, or it doesn’t. I know guys who won’t date ‘fat chicks’ or blondes. For myself, I don’t want to play with The Little Penis That Could. And although there’s a lot to be said for all that motion of the ocean blah blah, I get seasick on dinghies.
Size and general penis health does matter and any woman that tells you otherwise is either lying or has never had the pleasure of hosting a Tom Thumb. Or a Godzilla for that matter.
And there’s the rub. While the men reading this might be getting their ball sacks in a twist about it, ya’ll need to understand that a good penis is the average penis - not too big, not too small, good on girth and hard like the rock.
That last one’s the real kicker actually. Ever heard the phrase ‘it’s like trying to shove a marshmallow in a two-penny slot’? Yup. Lay off the smokes and booze bucko and get some exercise. No matter how brilliant you think your super-cock is, if all you can manage is a semi on a good day, you’ve got problems.
Now look, don't get me wrong. It's not that women the world over are collectively bemoaning their partner's penis size. If they want more of anything it's probably more kissing, more cuddling, more oral and more tenderness.…But for myself, I want all of that AND a good penis.
I'm demanding that way.
So I simply don’t get involved with small- or limp-dick men. It’s a lifestyle choice. I don’t want to be using buttplugs to enjoy a vaginal orgasm during penetration for the rest of my life.
Anyway.
New boy reckons that its more about compatible genitals. That much like the twin soul theory, for every penis out there, is an equal and compatible vaginal canal or butt hole. Perhaps so. After all, hernia boy's peen eventually did the business it was created for - he found a significant other with whom to sire three beautiful children and they're living the happily ever after now.
So I suppose if a penis can do what it's meant to do in the bigger scheme of things, regardless of its size, it's all good. I'd just like a little pleasure with my procreation.
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Do you agree with Dorothy Black? Does size really matter? Let us know your thoughts in the box below...