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'Hey honey, unwrap this?'

Muneeba Martin looks at the unlikelihood of SA women getting their husbands to use condoms.

Article: Muneeba Martin

Comment on this story

Thando 8/13/2008 2:13:44 PM

ITS NOT ABOUT TRUST!!! What if the women does not want to have any more kids and does not want to use the pill or go on the injection? then trully........................the condom is the way to go.

Melanie 8/13/2008 2:56:06 PM

Condoms are great. They make clean up easy, stop all STD (like thrush and others that are not necessarily due to infidelity), and are non-damaging contraceptives. And yes, I am happily married to a considerate man.

ML 8/13/2008 2:59:57 PM

Let's be honest: it's always the woman who gets left with the "mess" (as with most things in life). Think that it's only fair that the man also has to do the obligatory trip to the loo afterwards. Yay feminism! :)

Lulu 8/13/2008 3:45:13 PM

I have been with my partner for over 4 years, We're getting married next year. I feel that in my monogamous relationship the only point of wearing a condom is for birth control. And with so many other more "comfortable" contraceptive options, I see no reason for it. Condoms smell funny, hurt me as a woman, and they are very expensive (Durex). I was happy to stop using them after fitting a Mirena. The only downside is the mess, but I just shower afterwards and use a pantyliner.

May 8/14/2008 9:24:34 AM

What is shocking is the number of married woman in South Africa who are being given HIV by their husbands or long-term partners. And they often only find out they've got the virus when they're pregnant! If he has any respect for you he will use a condom when he sleeps around. How much do you really trust him to do that? I say go for an HIV test together before you stop using condoms. The alternative is far to frightening! Don't leave your health and the wellbeing of your children in a man's hands.

Yam 8/14/2008 9:27:58 AM

Is it as effective in preventing the transmission of HIV? Because then I'd encourage married woman to use it and avoid that awkward conversation about trust and the middleman. Ladies you've got to protect yourselves!

Abram 8/14/2008 9:36:08 AM

Once condoms are introduced in the marriage the relationship will start to be sour

Vuyo 8/14/2008 9:41:29 AM

I don't know hey.... The thing is you never think your man is cheating on you! You both go for tests before you stop using them and the fool will still cheat on you without using protection with others. And he still has the nerve to come home to you and sleep with you without protection!!! Because if he suggested you use protection, men are scared that we women will think that they have been unfaithful whent hey full know they were. Messed up situation if you ask me. All I know is at some point your man will cheat on you and he will not use protection and he will be too ashamed to admit it and thus not protect you to protect himself.

Gareth 8/14/2008 9:48:36 AM

Lets see, it prevents HIV, STIs, unwanted pregnancies, cervical cancer and can be part of foreplay. The majority of HIV transmissions in hetero couples happens in marriages!! Perhaps being respnsible and having tests to know your status would prevent many arguments about trust.

Gareth 8/14/2008 9:48:45 AM

Gk 8/14/2008 9:54:10 AM

Look lets be realistec here, its not only the males that sleep around, I know of more woman that mess around then I do men. That fact is, not all people are faithfull, people have sex with other people and due to just that Fact I would not mind it if my wife intrudce a condom into our bedroom..

Your choice 8/14/2008 9:56:21 AM

Shame. I feel sorry for ppl who have to consider such an avenue. Even more pity for those who are married, already use it and find it acceptable. Morals, ethics etc. Means little in this global society. You choose your partner and if you cant trust the partner you've chosen then perhaps you havent made the best choice. Ppl make mistakes yes but some mistakes are never worth making. We tolerate far too much these days...

Will 8/14/2008 10:13:52 AM

Just reading some of the comments. Isn't it sad to see what society has been degenerated to. Currently I am single and young so I cant say much in the Married window. But, Isn't it sad to see how many women, men included, have no trust or freedom for that matter to share intimate details. And here I was thinking married life is about giving your 100% to another person/family. And then you see something like 'Don't leave your health and the wellbeing of your children in a man's hands.'. To be honest, I think it's just sad to think there are relationships like that out there. Maybe I'm just naive.

JR 8/14/2008 10:21:21 AM

It takes two to tango principle applies here. It is not only men who would insist on not using a condom, women also do, a lot for that matter. There are men who are very strict about using condoms and would not compromise unless they trust their women. The bottomline is that choices in marriage are very restricted and it sometimes a matter of do or break when it comes to sex. Some men are dumped or cheated upon because they are unable to satisfy their women. It is virtually impractical to use a condom in a marriage relationshiop.

Ledile 8/14/2008 10:26:47 AM

Its not about trust, it all about safety. It prevents unwanted pregnancies, infections mostly HIV/AIDS. Men are like kids, u have to remind them each and everything. He will go out, use his dick without protection and dig again his dick with u. So to be on the safe side, is either we women use Female Condoms are ask him to use one.

Kgomotso 8/14/2008 10:33:08 AM

i use a condon all the time with my wife. we have a daughter and we are not ready for another child as yet. I don't like this contraceptive stuff because they either make her sick or fat. i settle for a condom and it's just as good and the advantage is that i last longer in a condon that without.

Concerned 8/14/2008 10:34:03 AM

At the moment married women are amongst high risk groups for infection. On the other hand what happens when a couple decidesto have children? I say there is no clear cut solution but if in doubt condomise. If the issue is sparing your partners feelings, my question is: AT WHAT COST?

TK 8/14/2008 10:34:10 AM

The whole point of a marriage is ofcourse no use of condoms, once you as a woman suggest we use a condom while married then there is no trust and without trust there is nothing, i happily do use a condom all the time because i am not married.

Pinto 8/14/2008 10:34:35 AM

Why is it that it is always man bringing sickness in a marriage, that is not a proven fact. Women also bring sickness in a marriage people should stop saying it's man because women do it all the time while husbands are at work especially housewives.

Gerhard 8/14/2008 10:41:23 AM

If a condom becomes necessary in a marriage, both partners have already lost...there is no excuse here...dont want anymore babies...Mr goes in for a snip/snip..a simple procedure. Condoms in a marriage is to protect against what - infidelity? If so, then you accept infidelity Mrs...should you do that?

Sanele 8/14/2008 10:42:27 AM

Well..They is so much to say on this matter, but the truth of the matter is no-one can guarantee ur health but yourself...As much as we would love to trust a man more especially one's husband we have to think bigger than that if your husband is been unfaithful and he is not using protection he will infect you as well, then what will happen in the long run..Who will take care of your children when they become Aids orphans?As a man does not tink bout you when he cheats it's all bout him!!!Why not make it all about you and then all the heartache of getting a disease that is not cureable can be illiminated!! Think bout it in marriahe at times the most important tging that you do have are your children as they still have their whole lives ahead of them...Not saying as a woman you don't...But who will love them like you when you are dead due to the fact that your husband did not think further than the end of his penis...His next conquest and orgasm with some strange woman..It's about choices....Think bout it as they are WAY TOO MANY AIDS ORPHANS IN OUR COUNTRY...Did that man think bout what he was doing when he infected his wife..knowing full well he could be killing her due to his dumbious ways!!!

Gerhard 8/14/2008 10:48:24 AM

It is not so much about condoms, it is about bad choices...if you need to think about the "bigger" picture you have already lost...it is not about oprphan HIV babies..it is about bad choices.

Desire 8/14/2008 10:56:42 AM

I definitely agree, three years ago, I was happily married for nine years with two wonderful sons, only to find out that my husband was having desert on the side. So how do you really know, I mean after 9 years of what I thought was a happy marriage and yes we were sexually active. There and then I had to go and visit the Gynaecologist and make sure that I didn't catch anything. So yes not all the men are bad out there but how will you really know and if you confront the condom issue, then there will always be the trust issue. I seriously don't have an answer on this one!

eric 8/14/2008 11:03:53 AM

i been in a relationship for 6yrs. we been using condoms since day one. we get one of those boxes of 100 government issue condoms every now and then. my fiance likes the hygiene it provides. we'll probably continue to use condoms as long as we having sex

kathy piagesti 8/14/2008 11:14:58 AM

I have been married for 35 years and we have a wonderful relationship. I have always trusted my husband, but about 5 years ago found out that he had been seeing another lady. He says he never slept with her, but I certainly doubt that very much! He seems to have been faithful since then, but how would I know. How do we, after 35 years of marriage, start using a condom? NEVER TRUST A MAN!

TG 8/14/2008 11:29:13 AM

I support ML. Guys deal with your mess!!!!

Jane 8/14/2008 11:32:02 AM

"Never trust anyone" is the most famous statement I've heard throughtout my life, "not even yourself" I've heard many say, so just put the darn thing on and make life easy, it's sex we're talking about not trust!

Melanie 8/14/2008 11:39:15 AM

I'm married for 10 years - we used condoms cause contraceptions have messed me up. It's cleaner, better and we can both enjoy our orgasms.

May 8/14/2008 11:42:41 AM

Gerard, let me try and explain this to you in such a way that it will not offend anyone... There is a widespread belief among black men in South Africa that 'playing away' is not really cheating if you don't love the other women you sleep with. There is your main partner or wife to whom you are honour bound and then there are 'distractions'. This is how it was explained to me by my black friends. They do not see it as infidelity. In many relationships, especially with migrant workers, it is kind of expected that the man will have other sexual partners from time to time. Coupled with the fact that women seem to pick up HIV easier than men, it is easy to then understand why we have this massive epidemic. And then there is the general widespread reluctance of men to use condoms because of the stigma that it means they have something to hide. Obviously there are women who also cheat. Its not just men or I'd go so far as to say they are in the majority. So its not just about bad choices - its a matter of life and death and possibly the destruction of the South African economy. There will be a million HIV orphans by 2010 - how many of these desperate children will turn to a life of crime?

Kgosietsile 8/14/2008 11:48:36 AM

Respect is the keyword to everything here. If we both trust each other I do not see the point of rejecting condoms as it also does spice up the sex life (meaning it will be part of foreplay.

Lennox 8/14/2008 11:50:04 AM

My girl friend who i trust very much insist that we use condom only to prevent her from falling pregnat, but i dont see any reason for that because some days it brokes and i have to carry on and make it a point that i ejacul;ate outside. so i told her to do it without so that i ejaculate out until we tend to make a kid. it's fine without a condom especially when you really know where you want to endup with your life. i'm also planning to marry hjer very soon because we enjoy life together without any mistakes, we've been doing this for many years now and nothing like STI's and other desease are on our side. we are just one happy flesh. condom doesnt save life bcos it burst and you may get yourself in a position of many kids if you dont take notes when making love.

Chazz 8/14/2008 11:53:09 AM

Your comment: "Isn't the whole point of getting married to drop the condom?" It made me laugh. I am not sure if that was my motivation to get married. I should with my partner but I don't think so. Funny though, I will give you that but probably not very intelligent... : - )

Koos 8/14/2008 11:53:50 AM

I see every woman that goes on about cheating refers to the man cheating. AS IF THE WOMAN never cheats. Its usually those that go on about "the fool cheating on you" that are the ones that cheats on their husband/partner. If you cannot trust your partner, WHY are you in that relationship?

Johann 8/14/2008 11:55:47 AM

Yeah, I'll use a condom. If you put it on with your mouth!

Old School 8/14/2008 12:21:21 PM

"Isn't the whole point of getting married to drop the condom?" Not really, you shouldn't be having sex before marriage. The whole point of marriage is if two people know that they want to be together for the rest of their lives and don't want to live with sexual immorailty (sex outside of marriage).

Rita 8/14/2008 12:23:49 PM

Can u imagine , married for more than 13 years and ur partner decides to sleep around. How do u trust the person who flatly deny the affair till u can prove otherwise. the tweet then expects u 2 trust him again and insist on 'no protection'.Being married doesn't guarantee that the partner will not become a monster, treating u like his possession, at his mercy. I rather chart my life single. Fed-up with cheating spouses.

Jack 8/14/2008 12:33:15 PM

I?m glad I?m married. I?m glad that I am in a monogamous, loving relationship with my wife, because I, like most men hate condoms. It?s uncomfortable. It is not real. Sex is about the most intimate touching and even exchange of hormones. That?s just how I feel. We can?t have children anymore, so that is luckily not an issue for us, but I would gladly go for a vasectomy to avoid ?the middleman? .

bayanda 8/14/2008 12:41:50 PM

It is just like suggesting new style in bed after being with your partner for so long. How does one start changing or introducing new style when sexing your partner??

Chicka 8/14/2008 12:46:23 PM

There is no doubt that there should be trust in marriage but in 2008 where South Africa is a country with one of the highest levels of HIV and where divorce rates are over 50 % and infidelity is on the rise how on earth do married couples honestly put their trust up to whether they use condoms or not. Its like saying that Antenuptual contracts are immoral because there is no trust...its about sensibility NOT about trust.

Mangalisa 8/14/2008 12:57:24 PM

Condoms are both partners responsibility. both husband an wife need to be pro-active in making sure that the comdom is used when casualy having sex. It's not a trust issue. If you have sex for recreation than a comdom is the easiest way to prevent many things.

Jack 8/14/2008 12:59:33 PM

Trust is not based on stats, but rather on a one-to-one relationship. The question might rather be, why do most South African women tollerate such bad hustbands, infecting them with HIV - we need more court cases where these men pay for their unfaithfulness.

sithe 8/14/2008 1:10:23 PM

I have been with someone for 8 eight years and we have a five year old son. we don't use a condom and i have thought about the issue of introducing it so that i stop taking injections. He has not been keen on the idea but it is my life and my body. I think he thinks that i don't trust him or i am cheating on him.

Diane 8/14/2008 1:34:13 PM

Use a condom whether you're in a long term relationship/married or not. It's less messy. It prevents a number STDs, HIV transmission, can be part of the foreplay as mentioned above. For Pete's sake, they make them in a number different flavours and textures, introduce some fun in the relationship! Besides, you shouldn't have stopped using them in the first place because now you're 'committed'... That's just idealistic and irresponsible.

tsaki 8/14/2008 1:41:20 PM

as a married women i would suggest using condom if i suspect my husband is having an affair and i would not be afraid to tell him as i have the right to protect myself

Antonio Pinto 8/14/2008 1:41:45 PM

how many married man & woman or boys and girl friends honest to each other and had came up and say to his/her partner baby,am so sorry i slept with that one last night? THINK ABOUT IT.

Kea 8/14/2008 1:58:39 PM

May sister, I cannot agree with you more , women always suffer the consequences of trusting too much in the so called long-term relationships. We tend to leave our lives in the hands of men yet we know men are not capable of safeguarding anybody's wellbeing let alone theirs. Married or not, we need to be vigilant and stop being ignorant and naive, the truth is starring us right in the eye. Silence is the biggest killer.

ruth 8/14/2008 2:09:31 PM

This world has changed man are not taking care of themselfs ,we cannot trust them anmore-to safeguard our self as wifes we are forced to use condoms .Because our men dont care for their lives anymore,out of 10 married woman 9 are affected with the virus because of this mammals.so its better to prevent unlike die.

Sibu Mvuleni 8/14/2008 2:15:13 PM

I was shocked to learn that 70% of married couples do not use condoms based of the element of trust.Yes you trust your however suggesting the use of protection during sex does not that you don`t trust them its means you them and yourself enough not to infect them,hiv/aids is not contracted through sex only you or partener could be infected not knowing you are infected because you tell yourself that I sleep with only one person,its marraige situation and we are faithful to each other so hiv wont get us,briefly I would say its times for every one to wake up and protect themselves times are bad

Nobafazi 8/14/2008 2:16:54 PM

For real. This is your very life in his hands. Love the man but understand (and believe) the research stats and 'norms' or society. Men cheat. Love him, but understand his nature over and above his relationship with you.

NM 8/14/2008 2:20:37 PM

In the era we are living in, I think both men and women should put their lives first. Experience has shown us that trust does not protect us from HIV, why would we want to continue doing the same thing and expecting different results ? insanity. I strongly support the motion that condoms be introduced in marriages. For sure it is a huge mind-shift, but we have to start somewhere.

linda 8/14/2008 2:21:54 PM

i have been married for seven years now and me and my husband use condoms all the time .it is better to learn to use them when you are still happy , don't wait for problems . start now . condoms are not meant for unmarried partners only.

Sebati MJ 8/14/2008 2:38:16 PM

The use of condoms encourage most people to be unreliable to their love ones. Let us be faithful and abstain to avoid HIV/AIDS like when we avoid accidents by obeying the traffic road signs

VLS 8/14/2008 2:41:23 PM

I think one point hasn't been highlighted in the otherwise great comments, and that is sex is simpyl better without a condom than with one. If you start using a condom after havign not you realise the difference and your sex life can take a bit of a beating...

takalani amos 8/14/2008 3:14:25 PM

love is hope ,faith and trust i cannot use a condom to my wife if i do that im cheating . i am not she belong to me i be long to her.we need to have a reality between ourself.

Bassie 8/14/2008 3:25:33 PM

I think that unless you have a valid reason, e.g. you've caught your spouse cheating and decided to stick it out with them any way, there really is no reason for married people to use a condom. If you want to prevent pregnancy use oral contraceptives!

Gerhard 8/14/2008 3:37:47 PM

What you said may in fact be the case. That is not my problem. I am in a genuine loving relationship (for 28 years now), and you are asking me to put a bloody condom on!! The stuff stinks (hell, it is latex...creepy stuff), and man, oh man, is a romance killer...I admit that i battle to get the damm thing on, and by the time I do, the moment has passed. Well, i gues my lesson is this...black men can obviously not be trusted, and white guys as well, as a rule...so, yes, bad luck ladies....and my final conclusion? my wife is one lucky woman!!

Druza 8/14/2008 3:59:21 PM

Im not married, I frequently use a condom. I use it cause I dont trust my partner. Now Im not sure then if I did trust my partner, I would not use a condom. The fear is that everyone gets tempted out there. Temptation is part of life, sometimes we loose and at times we defeat the temptation. This situation is exactly the same as getting married out of community of property. It means that the couple acknowledges the fact/possibility that they might separate/devorce. Nobody likes that but its reality. People make mistakes, even the holiest of them all. One mistake could cost your life. Now its up to an individual to decide whether that mistake is worth loosing life. There are scientific ways to have children without intercouse. Its gonna be difficult to the already married. People are not perfect at all. thats where the problem lie. Lets condomize for life

Obakeng 8/14/2008 4:02:35 PM

from my experience, i've realised that only few women, 2 out of 10 will ask for a condom. this decision is usually left to the man,& sadly most/some men choose the fatal route. i have a problem with women who blame men for everything.WOMEN DO CHEAT & DO INFECT THEIR HUSBANDS & BOYFRIENDS WITH HIV. I messed around with lot of women who are in so called serious r/ships. OF COURSE I USE A CONDOM. ALL THE TIME.

SP 8/14/2008 4:11:48 PM

I am young woman who is a realist, sometimes too much for her own good. Truth is all all men cheat, married or not and I am one of a million examples of that tragedy; Im a mistress to a man who I sometimes have to force to use a condom. I always ask him, 'do you know what I was up to last night', and he always replies about how much he "trusts" me. Frankly men are careless beings who live for the moment regardless of how those descisions will impact people close to them. What if I were HIV+ and agreed to sleep with him without using protection? His wife would have it by now but he doesnt care, as long as he gets what he want at that moment. If he insists on sleeping with me without using the middle man, how many times has he done it with how many people? Its just so scary. Married or not, insist on protection men and women in marrieges have proven that they cannot be trusted especially with your life.

Nobie 8/14/2008 4:11:48 PM

Trusting your partner means only one thing " HIV, Aids, misery and death". Condomising is the best solution.

Tebogo 8/14/2008 4:14:25 PM

I have been married for three years now and my wife does not like to take pills so we prevent by using a condom. Now, if one look at the issue of HIV and Aids, trust suddenly plays a role. Imagine my wife suggesting we use a condom for the fear of her being infected! does it not indirectly suggest that she does not trust that I am faithful? or suggest to me that since I am not trusted why not hit outside. The best way of getting your husban to prevent by the use of a condom is purely going to be a strategic. Go to a doctor let him claim that pill is not good for you for what ever reason. That way the condom will be the only method of prevention. Anyway for me using a condom is an added advantage, it helps me stay inside longer than when I am on the skin. So may be you can use that as an excuse too.

Mr Snippy 8/14/2008 4:25:40 PM

Nonsense Thando... I have Three Kids, when the last one was born, I went and had a tiny little operation... I can no longer Father any kids... It's a very simple and safe solution

zama 8/14/2008 4:28:07 PM

Times have changed... People have changed with time - it has come to a point were the saying every man for himself really applies to how one live his/her life. Cause trust cannot save you from dangerous, deadly disease...

Themba 8/14/2008 4:35:48 PM

I have been married for ten years and for the past eight years I have been doing contract work out side the country.The condom story started two years back when my wife said she has (SIST) and the doctor advised her to stop using contaceptives as she was taking medication for her condition.Two years later she still insist I use condoms as she would not go for surgery as advised by her doctor(won't sacrifice herself for me)I only learnt now that she was always suspicious of me getting up to no good when ever I am out of the country on contacts.I am now on a pay back mode ,for I was punished for somthing I never did and I was lied to for two years.

Big Willy 8/14/2008 4:36:32 PM

Sex is GOOD, so what's the fuss?

Lavani 8/14/2008 6:03:57 PM

Condom should be use by both spouses because it is not easy to justify if someone is honest to his/her partner. Especially man they are not honest when it comes to sexual intercourse and woman they are bound by love to compromise and have sex without condom.

Cyndi 8/14/2008 7:21:31 PM

I think it would be very sad if our society has began to marry people they do not trust!! Yes i agree if its because of the fact that they are avioding babies during a certain time - for sure go for it. But if one is just wanting to introduce condoms for fun - i believe the whole intamacy of a marriage and the best part of a marriage - where you can be one with the one you love and trust - has all gone straight out the window!! Very very sad. If a spouse does not trust their partner, then thats also very sad - Why get married then???

Elza Geyser 8/14/2008 8:50:41 PM

the only way to stop HIV is to be faithfull and no other way. Can you really love a person enough to die for him/her. Espesially a stanger/one night stand?

concerned 8/14/2008 11:14:20 PM

Ladies, stay away from the cheating, AIDS carrying bustards! Seems most women think men are carriers and thus unfaithful, untrustworthy, cheating, inconsiderate, self-centered and much, much more. And yet you come and tell us you LOVE them! Bullshit! You LOVE to be looked after (Equal rights eh!), you LOVE their money! You do not Love them as persons! Who want's to get married after all? WOMEN. For most of you, when men suggests ANTENUPTIAL contracts in marriage, who cries foul and charges that she's not been trusted? Women. Now facts: AIDS does not originate from men! MEN are not the only CARRIERS! Men and women cheat in relationships (marriage included). By the way, reading all these comments, I am still to hear comments from those women who cheat with YOUR husband, apparently they do not exist! Do not be surprised when your husband starts to cheat on you after 10, 20 or even 35 years. It is to be expected 'cause women are no longer as exciting as the girl-friends they were before. Now they have rules in terms of when and how their husbands will have sex. As for using a condom in a relationship or marriage, you BOTH have to agree, otherwise the basis of that marriage is now non-existent and so YOU must part!

Pholoso 8/14/2008 11:29:32 PM

It is uttermost perplexing to think that a married couple should use condoms. What's the point of a commitment anyway? This view directly contradicts the be faithfull and commitment songs we hear, watcc and read on every form of media. The 70% statistic is basically bias because the real numeric is significantly higher than 89%.

Lazie 8/15/2008 12:33:12 AM

Hiv testing will not protect you, trust will, if you don`t trust your partner, then plan B leave or use condom.

Luckyboy Ledwaba 8/15/2008 3:21:58 AM

It prevents unwanted pregnancies and HIV,so condom is the way to go.

Siphiwe 8/15/2008 7:05:22 AM

I don't think its about any trust being

Siphiwe 8/15/2008 7:08:27 AM

having being married for five years and with three beautiful children, we decide that it was enough and for our prevention we will use condoms. Our beliefs and ethics should be sacrosant, but should vary from time to time. The worst is for one to ask the woman to use contraceptives which in most cases they tend to have physical effect on the woman body.

herrington 8/15/2008 8:08:18 AM

culturally it was believd that you start devloping trust when you are now married, as marriage is sort of a confidence in someone. if a married couple preffer to have external affairs, let them use condoms outside but when they are back together it is of no use.i hope those issues need to be discussed by both of them.

Andile 8/15/2008 8:10:14 AM

It's such a shame that so many women think only man cheat and are responsible for women getting infected by STD's that is so unfair, if there are best cheater that would be women . . . how many man out there are raising children that are not theirs and don't even know about it, some find out when the child is old enough . . . coming back to the topic, if the married couple respect each other enough they should be open about things in the marrage, people should discuss things and for the right reasons certain decisions will be made and everybody should be satisfied . . .

Alison 8/15/2008 8:17:22 AM

I also was surprised, when the study came out, that one would expect that married women would use a condom. I am sterilised therefore do not need birth control. My husband and I are both HIVneg. So there is absolutely no need for a condom. If I had reason to doubt my partners fidelity I would not be sleeping with him.

nomvula 8/15/2008 8:39:59 AM

the responsibility lies with whoever feels that his/her health is at jeopardy. It's simple to say, "oh, we are married therefore i see no need for a condom!" yes, initially that is how it was meant to be, but with the current status quo, don't take chances. you do not want to suffer because of someone else's IRRESPONSIBILITY.

NOMSA TSHABALALA 8/15/2008 8:58:42 AM

I THING CONDOM IS THE WAY TO GO, BECAUSE U NOT EXPRIECING ANY ENFERCION U SAY CLEAN AND HEALTH LIFE

LESEGO 8/15/2008 9:58:26 AM

Deciding using a condom or not is the biggest challenge we are facing as mothers.You just have to ask yourself how well do you 'trust' your partner with your 'life'.What will happen if you die.Is he going to take care of your kids? OR he will be fooling around with another fluzzie?If you can completely trust your man with your life then don't use a condom but if not then trust the middleman.it is all about trust you choose "the middleman" or " your man"

Barry 8/15/2008 10:17:38 AM

My wife and I have been married for 34 years and still injoy a very active sexual relationship. Its all a matter of knowing and trusting your partner and soul mate. I wouldent even think of suggesting we use a condome.

zimasa 8/18/2008 4:30:42 PM

i hope i can be able to ask my husband to use a condom,how many wives got hivaids from their trusted husbands?its not about trust its about protecting your self

Comfort 9/8/2008 5:55:12 PM

pls i want find out if one is really in love and nayybe if the man is the type that likes sex. what will you advice me to do. thank you.

rosey m 9/10/2008 11:01:00 AM

i totally agree with Lulu; sista you speak the truth i can't count the no. of married men who have hit on me... sori i will find it hard to trust a man

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