I am currenlty going through my divorce. It is a long and painful process, but everyday it gets better, not easier though.

I lost everything: my husband, my home, didn't have a job to lose as I was a stay@home mom. But now I have to find one and send my LO to creche. she is just 16 months old. I have to start over with literally everything.

Am I sad? Sometimes... but ? What a great opportunity this is!!! I have no tties that bind me - I can do anything I want!!!

Its difficult but if a relationship has reached its sell by date one have to let go, all this can be overwhelming but it cant be as bad as being with someone that doesnt care about you. I was very sad but I made a choice to make peace with the fact that he doesnt love me anymore, everything happend so fast after I lost our baby but I had to stay strong because I could have been depressed if didn't accept my loss then!

I can not believe I was married to this man for over twenty years, he is a professional Doctor, and I have worked hard in his practice to help and assist him, never once thinking about my career. Ladies!! Ladies!! We are such sentimental fools! We all think it is Prince charming, and we will live our happy ever after....! Wake up. Always keep your own financial affairs to yourself, keep yourself focused on a career! Look at me now, kicked out, with a large legal battle on the way.

Two years ago my boyfriend broke up with me via sms, before then i never thought that could happen or even that it was possible to break up with someone you ones loved via sms. (it was a rude awakening for me) what was his excess, that he needed to sort out some issues he's facing and does not want me involved. hmmm!!! i was so heartbroken, i cried for 12 whole months (Seriously) then every ones in a while he would call to find out how i was doing and sometimes invite me to church, stupidly i would go just to see him, believe it or not, he would lure me to his house to have sex and not another word or phone call again from him until he wants to have sex again. Don't get me wrong, i knew what the game was, i was just to weak to do anything about my feelings for him or control what he was doing to me. 2 years after, he still comes around my flat to have sex and guess what i still allow him. Every time, i vow it would be the last time, but a phone call and i forget the promises to myself. i am still single and still hoping and praying he would someday have a change of heart. But how could he when still gets sex without sweating for it.

i hate breakups, i always tell people that the feeling you get when you break up with someone is exactly the same as when you hear a loved one has passed on, and cliche though it may be , time heals all wounds. NB: miss Jay, i dont mean to judge , but your wounds wont heal because you havent given them a chance to... and really where is your pride, making yourself a doormat like that. We have all been through this so i speak from experience, after all the free sex he gets dont be surprised when you are invited to his wedding to a woman he actually respects because he obviously doesnt respect you. And the nerve to invite you to church, now i know the saying wolf in sheep skin is true... it applies to your man, oops sorry your ex, no no i got that wrong he isnt really anything that i can put a name to , to you is hE ? WAKE UP!!!!

Thank you Deborah Lewis that was what I needed to hear!! I cancelled my subjects at unisa so I can be with my boyfriend more, reduced my working hours 4 him, what did it get me NOTHING!!!. All I can say its never happening to me again. Sometimes I wonder why do we even fall in love.

I can relate MJ's experience but on my case I was the one who offered and when rejected I felt empty and ashame of myself, and I made a vow to myself when he came begging I was the one sticked to the vow I've made.. with difficculties but that was the only way to break the ties loose. Who said it would be easy U just have to be patient it is only time that heals... Galfrend U have 2 stop backstabbing urself like that coz sex doesn't substitute love.. 2 them sex is made without feelings and emotions after penetration they don't even know that U exist especially if there's another woman on the picture...

A month ago my husband left me after 28 years of marriage, to take up with a woman (and that's being polite) with whom he'd been having an affair for the past 18 months. He generously left me the house and with it all the responsibilities. My children are grown-up and virtually out of the house, so after 28 years, i find myself alone. On the one hand, it's great: I can do what I want, when I want and I don't have to be answerable to anyone except myself. But on the otherhand, it's the closeness and friendship that I miss after all these years. I find myself telling my dogs about things and cuddling up with my cats! I decided that I needed to springclean my life, and resolved that I will take up an invitation that comes my way; I also decided to revamp my bedroom (out withe the old and in with the new!!), and painted it myself, in a pretty pale pink, and have ordered pretty new feminine curtains. I also bought myself a non-wedding ring. So girls, go out there and make it happen for yourselves - you are the author of your own life - enjoy writing a new chapter!!

well my husband just don't get it anymore,i tried to divorce him 3times, but somehow i just take him back. He is an emotional abuser and a drunk. The time when we were apart i fell in love with someone i knew since childwood, we love each other but to scared to pursue the relationship, because of my husband – controlling, abusive. I wish he could just go and leave me to be happy, been together for 12years married 8years 3kids. Dont love him anymore just want to be happy. Just decided that he'll stay and there's nothing that i can do about it. Please give me some advice can i still see this other person

Been with my boyfriend for 8 years,yes the signs were there but just sat waiting for him to change wgich never happened but insteat go worse.ladies you can tell if a relation is doom to fail from the begining there do not be like me and sit and wait.Bette be sorry than late,I wasted all those years.

Ladies, advice please. I've been with my man for 14 years, living together, luckily no children. Whenever I talk of marriage, he dismisses it as being just a piece of paper. What he don't understand is that I need the security of that piece of paper. I know he loves me dearly and I live every day for him. but if we love each so much isn't marriage the next natural step? I believe he respects me but maybe not enough to marry me. I'm just afraid that one day I will wake up and realise I spent half my life waiting for him to marry me, only to find that he will marry someone else.

Divorce is probably the most difficult thing you will ever go through. The sense of failure, of not having done enough.

The thing that hurts most is dishonesty. Please find it in yourself to say to your partner: "I loved you, and so I want you to be happy. I see you can no longer be happy with me, so because I still care, I want you to be happy without me."

Be positive, this is not an end, but a beginning.

With or without kids? I lost my kids because my wife slept with another man. She has been at it for a while even before we had kids. We would break up and then reconcile and it would go fine for another year or two. People do not change and I should have known and let it be before we had children. Now I see my kids every second week. I collect them from school on the Friday and then take them back to school Monday mornings. My daughter is in grade 3 and she understands a bit now, but my son is 5 years and runs after me when I drive away from his school. My daughter told me once she wished that she could divide herself in two so that she can be with both of us all the time. Sometimes divorce is best, but please only after you tried and tried and tried....

My boyfriend broke up with me just over a month ago, for a week i cried myself to sleep everynight because it was unexpected. it's true what they say, time does heal most of the wounds...it's his loss.

My boyfriend broke up with me just over a month ago, for a week i cried myself to sleep everynight because it was unexpected. it's true what they say, time does heal most of the wounds...it's his loss.

Well girls - it seems I am the only guy to respond to this thread, I would like to relate my story, and illustrate that we, too, are affected by a wayward partner. I fell in love with, and married a very attractive girl.....later to find out that she was an opportunist. I later realized that she fell for me, seeing the mercedes in the garage, and my big farm house on my sugar farm over-looking the ocean. After a few years of marriage, she was constantly looking on the other side of the fence, searching for something more, someone with bigger assets, bigger house, bigger car. She found one, and started divorce proceedings, hoping to hop over to the new man. After the divorce was through, the other man, realizing this was more than a game for him once the realities set-in, got a fright and rejected her. She then admitted to me her mistakes, and wanted to come back. How could I allow her back....she would do it again at the next opportunity. So, 6 years later, I am still single, ever fearful of hitching up with an opportunist, that will take my heart, and then break it.

leave your life to the fullest Live positively and not think of someone who has decided to leave you.

My husband and i r separated for 18 months, belive me its not easy seeing him almost everyday cos we share a beautiful baby girl. In that period he manage to make sumone pregnant and now he wants us to work on our merriage.Wat do you think.

Relationships suck.

I'm going through now too. The worst part is the grief you feel when you know it is ended, like a death. But you see that person everyday anyway. How do you deal with the loss?

I am 28 and have been married for 4 years. We have recently separated and will soon begin the process of divorcing. I started dating him when I was 18 and loved him so much. I never ever thought that I would get divorced - I thought people who did were weak and a failure. I went out with him for 5 years before we married, and still it has fallen apart. It can happen to anyone. Sometimes it's no-one's fault. Things just break. It is important for both people to protect and look after themselves within the marriage. There are no guarantees and if it ends, you must be able to take care of yourself.

GOING THROUGH IT NOW, BUT IM ACTUALLY FEELING RELIEVED BCOS NOW I CAN LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I WANT.IN LIFE U DONT NEED ANYONE TO MAKE U HAPPY. RELATIONSHIPS BRING A LOT OF STRESS AND MISERY IN OUR LIVES. FORGET THE PAST AND MOVE ON WITH LIFE. EVENTUALLY THE PAIN WILL HEAL AND U'LL BE HAPPY AGAIN

I read with interest all these comments. Whats interesting is that the post are all female. I'm a guy, and can tell u that guys hurt just as bad, and as deep after a breakup. After 18 months together, I've just lost a loved one to drug addiction...and I tell u it hurts. The warning signs (continual lying, needing money etc...)were there, but I ignored them. But the worst of all is that because of the lies, I can't tell whether I was the only man in her life or not. I keep hearing rumors (even from her family members). Faith teaches that God is familiar with all our trials...but sometimes ??? The pain u feel in a breakup is far worse than any physical pain i can imagine.

It hurts me to hear all these stories about break ups, but i guess when is time to move on, no one can stop the transition. I am a man who is going through a similar pain that all these women are experiencing. I have been married for the past four years and always have strived to be "Hubby of the Year".

I comprised almost everything in my life just to please my wife, even my parents had to tow the line when it comes to my wife.But all these have worked against me because my wife saw a partner who would bent everytime she says so, if she says jump i will ask how many times and all these i did based on love and for the sake of peace. My wife hated my family, but we stayed with her mom, after marriage she no longer recognised my two kids, but i have always been a father to her daughter.

I have always been home Monday to Sunday, no meeting friends after hours or going to visit my parents without her and i agreed to all these, not because i could not do them, but out of respect and love.Hey i am no angel, i have mistakes of my own which i would apologise for including the ones i did not commit.

After all these, then she had a nerve to tell me i am not man enough when i did not want to respond to her arrogant words, tell me i can't even think for myself, the list is endless.Then came a time in my life when i said if i endured the pain of torture by the person i love, i would surely withstand the pain of spliting up for the sake of sanity and happiness.

So just know that this pain eats us all, but there is life after a struggle.

1. Find yourself a lawyer you can trust – my lawyer turned out to belong to the same "club" as my ex and he made me sign almost everything away. Because of 17 years of abuse and violence I had no fight left in me and I just wanted out. Now... 10 years later... I regret not taking what I worked hard for and what my children and I deserved.

2. DO NOT...DO NOT assist your husband in his career or business so that you can stay at home with your children. Go out there and have a career of your own. Stop feeling guilty about not being available 24/7. Your children will be fine being raised by a grandparent or teachers in pre primary school. I had to start a career at the age of 45.

3. Don't jump into a relationship before you have learnt to love yourself again. Specially after an abusive and violent marriage. It is so easy to make the same mistake.

4. Don't be in a hurry to make major decisions – about your house, moving, changing etc. Give yourself a year or 2 to "settle" before making any changes.

5. Keep busy. Find a job, join the gym, get a hobby and accept every invitation that comes your way.

6. Look out for yourself! Do not depend on anybody but yourself!

my boyfriend and i broke up last year December and it is as if i still cant go on! I still mis him desperatly and even though i've tried to find someone new... i still love him. So i think that if you have loved someone so much, you just cant let it go... even if he broke up with you via sms

Me and my wife decided to call it quits after more than 15 years. I thought that i would be fine because we both agreed to divorce. I went to Europe in the beginning of this year and had a great time. When i came back and we got divorce it hit me like a rock. I though that i would be fine but i was not. At least we were civil enough to seperate on good terms and not fighting each other because it is not worth it. I miss my ex wife and my son so much, but there were times that i would ask myself "what do i really miss about my ex wife" and i realized, i miss the routine and not her so much. Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that i don't love her, because i do, but it was for the best. At least we talk and can behave like human beings to each other. Before i forget, she was my soul mate but i wanted out.

Every divorce is different (whether kids, abuse, betrayal etc etc) but the pain does go away as you slowly start to build a new life. I suffered terribly from the trauma of my divorce but with support from friends, an excellent divorce support group run by a church in Pretoria and just by rediscovering my inner strength, life has regained its joy and a new life has been built. It can be done but my experience suggests it takes time, at times longer than one would like but every month and year gets better. Accept the challenge that are thrown at you!

if the party is over, it is over. what follows are episodes of abuse and more abuse. my wife came into my life with only a bag of clothes. now 8 years down the line i have to leave the marriage with only a bag of clothes. fair enough to say every comfort will be for my kids, the justice system has made us men second class citizens. we somehow need to stand up for our rights bcos our brothers are being harassed by authorities for not paying maintenance whiilst they are actually trying to recoup after losing out on their life long accumulations. when is equality before the law applicable?

I do not agree that a rebound relationship is all bad. After 20 years of marriage my husband dumped me. I completely freaked. Went through all the drama and shait. Met up with an old, still single boyfriend, got drunk (for courage as it was a difficuilt decision I made after been faithful for so many decades), shagged him, and now we are seeing each other while I am going through what should have been a difficuilt divorce. I am flying through it emotionally. And me and the beau are totally smitten with each other. The best part of it is that I feel wonderful and in control. So, if it is all that good, why be scared of it? If it works with him, it works. If it does not, it does not. He will not be able to hurt me like my hubby did anyways. It is a lovely experience. I am not a young woman anymore. Life is short. I refuse to give up on myself. Viva rebound, viva!!! He can use me all he wants!;-))))

One thing I can say from experience - If a relationship is really bad, the anticipation of the break-up is much worse than the actual break-up itself. I stayed in a relationship for three years after I should have left, because I was too scared that the break-up would be awful. When I finally did leave, it was such a relief to have my life back that I really wished I had done it three years earlier! It was just so great to not have that constant fear and tension in my life. When you start putting off going home because home is where the battle is -it is time to get out, and you won't be sorry once you've left.

I am pesently getting a divorce from my husband.He loved friends,parting and sleeping around.He was very abusive in our marriage.Don't let anyone abuse you.Love yourself first before you love someone,because if you don't love yourself,you will let someone break you and take advantage of you.I did everything for this man.I loved him more than I loved myself and all he did was hit me and sleep around with other women.We need to take care of ourselfs and move on because if you do not forgive ,you will never move on with your live.In life we have to except that everything happens for a reason.I have accept what has happened to me and for the sake of my children I have allowed him to take them for the weekends as they are still his children at the end of the day.As much as it is hard to get over I will never let anger take control of my life.With God I will overcome all the pain in my hart.So lets be strong for our kids and move on.

I sit clued to my seat and never realised that there were so many men and women in my situation. I have been divorced for 6yrs now.We dated for 2yrs and decided marriage was the next step. What a farce.We moved away from my family and I bent over backwards to satisfy him in every way.Eventually when I found out I was pregnant, he asked me to abort.What a crock.He then decided that multiple relationships would teach me a lesson for not aborting.Best ever, he snuck in and ripped my heart out by sleeping with my sister.I actually am grateful that we are apart.It took me many years to get over the trauma, believe me I also was clueless and took him back many a time. But women and men I talk from the heart.Time does heal all wounds.What goes around comes around. He is now on his 3rd marriage and is in his 30's and a grandfather. At first I couldn't help the laughter but now I feel pity. People shouldn't take anything for granted. I am still going strong, my daughter has adjusted, yet it has been hard with all the step mothers and sisters. Life has a silly way of kicking you upside when you're not looking. So my advice to all out there, is God made us the head and not the tail. We have choices. You either choose to stay in an abusive relationship or leave. You can choose to subdue your true feelings to please another BUT ultimately, it's your choice. My choice is to live, like there's no tomorrow. I know there's someone out there, that would respect me for my qualities as I would theres'. So be positive. Love without reservation and live without regrets.

well, I was in a very loving, strong relationship with a guy for a year. he moved away from town on the eight or so month and promised that he was only relocating but would never ever leave me. we visited each other, then suddenly, out of the blue he dissapeared from my life. he stopped calling, ignored my calls, text messages and emails. when i did manage to get hold of him he was too busy to talk, to sleepy or had visitors. then one day i woke up and realised that it was over like that. for a full week i mourned. it took me that long to let him go. i stressed and was put on anti-fatigue and stress medication. after that i was fine. i cannot help wondering what it was that he came across that pulled him away from me so violently, but it happened. but, like the death of my parents, i did not have the chance to say goodby. i got over that, and even easier, i got over him. a girl has just got to be strong in the face of the self doubt and self pity that comes with it, and move on!

Does true love exist?nowadays it doesnt,it used to in our forefathers days.

i am currently going through a divorce but through the courts because i cant afford a lawyer. i would like to know How do i get over this? i never though this would happen to me after only 2 years of marriage. How do i move on???????

Simi, I know the pain you are going through and the courts will somehow seems insensitive to the traumatic time you are at in your life but there is life afterwards. You have to have faith and believe that this isn't the end. You should be feeling depressed,not eating. Sobbing most nites,no concentration at work.Most women and men go through these phases, it's some kind of ritual we as humans have created after seperation. Family or friends, always help to lighten the load. Try find a hobby or friends that you can call upon. It seems difficult for now but time will heal the emptiness you feel. Try not to concentrate on the bad, cos this will just turn you into a cold person. I hope this comforts you in someway, we as women, are always the caregivers and for once, care about yourself enough to be stronger than just accepting defeat. Take care.

I'm also going thru the same thing. Was involved with a guy for a year or so, he also decided to relocate and I havent heard from him in 2 years. I've been trying to move on but I feel like he never gave me a chance to close that chapter of my life. He just left and I'm left with this hole everyday. I still miss him But I know he'll never be a part of my life again. Why is it so hard to move on.

My boyfriend and I broke up over a month ago, I found out that he was getting married to this woman who is apparently his baby mama... to make it worse I heard it from someone not from him, I regard myself as a strong woman but 4 him I have a weakness, i cried and almost killed myself for the loss that I'm going through, everytime I feel lonely I will call him or send hiom an sms telling him that I miss him a lot, he would also call to invite over to his place or go watch a movie together I know that he is getting married but I just can't let go of him, we are still having sex which I know that is not right........ I'm so in love with this man I just can't let him go, a part of me feels that I should fight for what I believe is mine and still face the fact that he is getting married, he will text me telling me that he made a big mistake by choosing to marry this woman he wants to be with me and all of that, I believe maybe that is what is making it diffficult for me to let go now he is treating me like a princess and all os that, maybe is that I'm scared of change... please advice on what I must do I really need to stop doing this to myseelf. But I love this man with my heart I want to let go but I can't/won't.......

It is the hardest thing I have ever gone through.... being without my soulmate... we were together 6 years ago and broke up about a year ago... I will never get over it and I know that... I wish I could but I just cant... people always say time will heal... it just is one of those things that doesnt work for everyone. I cant be positive and tell you Im ok now cause Im not... I havent moved on and I dont want to - Im still completely in love with him and want to spend my life with him.

I'm going through a long and painful divorce. I left my husband while I was 2 months pregnant. He didn't care, never begged me to come back. It was a hard pregnancy, couldn't cry much (didn't wanna upset the baby inside me), counselling helped a lot though. My baby is now 4 months, never seen her daddy but we are happy.

I am separated from my husband. He is not a bad person and not a bad husband, to someone other than me. Together there is unfortunately no compatibility. And I eventually admitted this to myself after 20 years of marriage. We have been separated for 3 years and he has worked away from home for 10 of the 20 years. I never worked, raising our daughter instead. Emotionally you are put through a wringer and bad decisions are the result. I am seeing another man, and we agreed that it would be on a fwb basis. Unfortunately as these things go I was in too deep before I even knew it. There is no future in this relationship, I know this. And so I sit with this double failure of bad decisions and I have absolutely nothing to show for myself. Or the means to start fresh by myself, not depending on either.

Divorce sucks, but remember, as Dr Phil says; "The best predictor of future behaviour, is past behaviour." (In other words leaopards don't change their spots). It's hard, but then nothing worthwhile ever came easily. Good luck all!

He wasted 5 years of my life and I let him, the signs of his roving eye and misteating me were there. I overlooked all and now I'm paying the price, I met him a pedesrtian, supported him and helped him start his business now he drives a Discovery 3, lived in my house and he recently bought a house secretly with a new girlfriend that everybody knew about even his family EXCEPT me. God I'm angry if I was not a child of God I would have killed him..

Look at it this was, separation of all manners IS easy and easily managed ONLY if you are the one initiating it. 'Cause obviously you've long prepared your self mentally and otherwise long in advance. Now this goes for both men as well as women. It is unfortunate that one should find oneself unprepared and hence the bitterness and feeling of inadequacy. I, as a man, find it foolish for one woman to sound a warning to other women as if this happens only to women, believe you me it doesn't. I also take great exception to women uttering statements like ' he gets sex without sweating for it', meaning (in my book), without buying 'it' - either with money or feelings of love towards her. How strange? We all know that any woman who wants to win a man (who will hopefully love her LATER) dangles sex as the bait - this may not be that obvious but lets' face women, that is the truth and you know it. What is the difference between being easy with sex at the beginning (as bait) and being easy with sex later (to keep him)? No difference. In either case you've shown that SEX was never meant for women's pleasure but for men's. In my book, love and sex were meant for the man, and only security is what a woman really wants in her life (think animal kingdom). I know that you'll be swearing at me and calling me names - but deep down you know that is true! In this day and age of equality and equal rights, what foolish woman agrees to be a house-bound wife or partner in the face of the all fashionable divorce and splits? I don't care whether your husband is a medical doctor, engineer or Barrack Obama. Everyone should go out there and fend for their uncertain future. Hence it becomes important that women should consider marriage out of community of property as sound and desirable. Once you leave everything to the man's control as the only provider and securer - this that you are lamenting about will continue.

Six months back I decided to call things off with my ex-girlfriend, This I did for various reasons, including a lack of honesty on her part, and possibly lack of understanding on mine. It has proven to be the most difficult break-up ever for me, and it still hurts me today. Not long after, she hooked up with an "good friend", whom she never mentioned once during our time together, i might add. Anyway, knowing her I wasn't surprised that she was with someone new so soon already. I am only now ready to move on, and have been processing all those unresolved emotions and finally "deal" with her memory. Lately I think of her maybe once or twice a day. I've had to make a conscious effort to not allow myself to dwell on those memories with her anymore. She has moved on and whether she is happy or not, is no longer my concern - she has made her choice and I have made mine. This experience has hurt and strenghtened me at the same time, and I am grateful for that. Breaking up is not an easy thing to do, especially intimate, loving relationships. You just have break it off a little bit day by day and look to the future. I have learned many lessons, but will commit 100% to the next person I am with, even if she doesn't initially. The thing is, we never know who will take the lead in a new relationship, so don't risk losing that new person as well by holding back. Just keep thinking positively. Good Luck

I divorced my husband 27yrs ago and we did not make it about ourselves but rather the children. We (my new husband and the children) visited him and visa versa and when he became ill we relocated to be near him for the children's sake and I cared for him until he passed away. We all have good memories of him and it just prove that our unselfish manner helped our children and ourselves to adjust to new lives.

What is the secret of a happily marriage life everafter! How do a person prevent devorce! I am afraid and I will do what it takes be have a happy marriage life

Yeah yeah, it's always the man's fault isn't it. Just maybe if you wern't all such whining grumpy demanding beeyatches your man wouldn't have to boot you out.

I have been divorced for 9 yrs and although I went through the motions of anger, loss,resentment, ect, I firmly believe the divorce benifited myself, my 2 girls and my ex. My ex and I now both play our part in parenting our girls whilst still living seperate lives, embracing those we choose as partners. My kids are blessed with a wonderful step mom, a father who finaly shows he cares and a mother who lives life to the fullest without hate or resentment. After all thats what they deserve. Kids are not brouhgt into the world to bear the brunt of their parents failed relationship. I have reached the light at the end of the tunnel and absolutely enjoy the single life. There definately is life after divorce,We just have to educate ourselves and embrace it.I have to say though I did not get to this point alone. My circle of support was so great I am forever endebted to them. And yes, I read all the books I could find prior to my divorce on how to handle the kids, the stress, the loss, my finances etc. Education is power so anyone who is going through some kind of seperation, I say educate yourself and know that you are stronger than that seperation. Except the things you cannot change and work hard at changing yourself, because only then will you find peace and live the life you are meant to live.

I read all of your comments ladies and most are sad.I had an experience of men who were stupid enough to be honest and tell me that it's over,instead they just show me the signs and i would be so in denial of their signs.I end up being the one who suffers trying to figure out what went wrong and blaming myself for their behaviours...i would drag on and on trying to make it work,wasting my money trying to ring them and sending endless sms to communicate and in the end,i realised it was not worth it,they just didn't love me at all.I believe when a man loves a woman and really wants to be with them,they will always protect them.Love is not supposed to hurt and when it does,u should know that it is not love and more trouble is on the way.I have tried with so many SA men such that i have indeed lost hope in ya all brothers...you fail to appreciate good women.I really respect a man who takes responsibility for each and evrything he does.When someon declares their love,they should also declare the end of it rather than making someone's life a living hell.It is easier to deal with something you know than something you do not know.Although it hurts,atleast you would be knowing the truth that he doesn't love you anymore and you deal with it and move on...love is too short to waste on undeserving and cheating men and abusive psychos.

We often blame people for our own poor choices. Unfortunatly, only once we get divorced, do we realise how different the person we married, is to the person we get divorced from. But in hind sight, all the warnings were there right from the start, but I chose to ignore it. When we get divorced, we feel rejected, which leaves us feeling inadequate, unwanted, unattractive an a failure at relationships. In fact, the person who wants the divorce, more often than not, have the lack of integrity, character, staying power, commitment and self confidence. So, what is worse than to be married to a cheap, common woman for eighteen years, is to be married to her for eighteen years and one day. Be greatful for finding the person out, go out and make new friends, and you will realise how many other people think you are special and fun to be with. Live a good decent life, do not sell yourself short, and pay attention to the small warning signs. Take your time to get to know someone, and realise that you will not be able to change them. If you do not like certain habits that they have, pass go, and do not collect R 200. You are special and unique, you are one of a kind, and you owe yourself the best. Learn to be alone, it does not mean being lonely. Take care of the thoughts you put into your mind, it determines who you become. Take care of the ones who loves you unconditionally. Do not allow your emotions to over rule your common sense. Understand the difference between love and lust. Allow yourself enough me-time to meditate. Do not crucify yourself because of someone else's short comings, love who you are.

Well I married a girl after ending my relationship with my first love, so ja a rebound case. Well I can gladly say after a HUGE financial loss, a LOT of heartache and trouble, fights and an estranged family, I have gone thru this divorce, yes it took 2years, and yes it was a bit of emotional scarring when i found out my x was unfaithfull, but I am more weary now, I am stronger now, and have a new lease on life! i guess time does heal after all!

THIS DOES NOT ONLY HAPPEN TO WOMEN - In Jan 2008 I walked in at 11am to find my wife (20yrs married) in the bedroom with her business partner grappling away. She had a fright and attacked me and she also found out later her business partner was also seeing another woman. I found cell phone records and a love letter stating she does not love me but him. She became violent with her business partner, my daughter and myself and spent 2 weeks in a psychiatric ward. She then applied for an amicable divorce where I had to pay just under R30000 pm to maintain her, the children and her business in our house. This psycho woman has frozen my bank accounts, had me arrested because I complained to her not to use my credit cards to clear her company debts, put a restraining order on me for violence and when I brought my daughter to court as a witness as we were the abused, she dropped all charges as we were about to walk into court. In Mar 2009 I moved out of the house with my daughter as the violence was too much and now the violence has spilled over to my son and do not bother phoning ?Child Line? as my son phoned a number of times and he was laughed at by the operators. The psycho woman is now sleeping with another man at his house with my son in the next room (and he showers my children with gifts and they come to school functions cuddling away) and on a monthly basis I have requested for a settlement agreement and nothing has been forthcoming for over 18 mths (her lawyer is a friend of hers). As we are still married I have to pay for everything as in Jan 2008 she stopped paying for anything in the house and the children are about to be removed from their schools as I cannot carry the burden anymore and lawyers fees are crippling me. She has also driven her company into the ground over the last 18mths. I now pray that this woman has a long life and that she is burdened everyday with what she has done to her children.

Hi, I read most of the above comments and it shocks me to see how many women are taken for rides by their husbands during divorces. I have been through a divorce myself (took 2 years) but was taken for a ride by my ex-wife instead, but I learned a lot during the whole divorce. I am not a legal person but I feel if I can share my experiences of give some type of guidance to woman/men, I would gladly do so. I believe knowing more than necessary, can only be to any person advantage, especially as people don?t know much about the legal system and procedures. Personally there are many legal people out their who are only care about how much they can make from the divorce than looking at the interest of both parties. If you feel to contact me, please feel free contact this blog who may supply my email address to people in need. If people think there are a catch?well believe me I do this totally voluntary?promise!

There is a new divorce Guide that is out on the market. It comes with a book and CD and it costs just over R150,00. It can be bought at leading stores such as the CNA and it can be purchased directly from Hortors in Johannesburg. Call them on: 011-607-0915. This is an excellent guide that is affordable and you can divorce yourself.

Divorce is very simple if you put it into context. When you loose something/someone you love, you will feel pain. Allow yourself to hurt, its natural. If you're broke, focus more on getting a job. If have a job spend more time on it, perfect it. If you're studying, study even harder. That doesn't mean burying yourself into work, but any achievement will boost your self-confidence. Above all, frequent the church, once you know that God pre-destined your life you'll be even more excited about your divorce since it means greater things lie ahead, you just had to be made stronger to carry them!

JJ I feel for you. After 28 years, my so called husband also admitted he was having an affair with something that worked for us. Yes I gave up my career to help him build his dream business. I did without and gave my everything. In January of this year, me told me to get a job to help him with his debt. I got a job and before I had even received my first pay cheque he was out of the door. Only thing is he has also walked out on his children as well. A beautiful 18 yr old daughter and 21 yr old son. Do they understand? Only too well and want nothing to do with him.. Since the day he left he refused to provide 1 c for them, even though his son worked for him.. He kicked him out of the business and took in his new ladies children. Will it last for him? I wonder ............ he is husband no 3, she uses , abuses and discards. Well I am not taking him back, after months of feeling sorry for myself, my kids and I are smiling, doing what we want to, having fun and building a close knit family .... just the three of us. Heres to the future!!!

I am totally torn apart by my separation from my husband but have no one to talk to I have 3 small children of which I am looking after and we are living in a hotel room that I can't afford anymore. My husband walked out on us last FRiday and now I don't have anymore money to support my family although I am getting alot of financial help from my work I just know I need to cry and talk to someone or else these emotions will make me want to do something I don't believe in. I am desperate and cannot think straight right now. I have forbid myself from crying cause I need to be strong for my children(my world. I have told myself I can be positive to make them feel like nothing is wrong. But how do I let out the emotions I am surpressing. I can't get any financial support from anyone and I am thinking of going to the nearest salvation army for help. My husband hasn't spoken to me or the kids since he last walked out on us and today is Wednesday and I don't know what to do.

After 35 years of marriage I am getting divorced. My husband insisted that I stay at home and raise our 4 children. Now he holds all the control, especially where money is concerned. As we bought things, they were either paid for by him, or put in his name. Being married ANC I am having a huge problem trying to settle with him as he refuses to pay me maintentance after he retires in 3 years..even though his company is doing well and started well into our marriage. He is living with someone else, but according to my attorney I may not live with someone, as then he has the right to say that that gentleman must support me. I find it uynbelievably unfair, that after all these years as a devoted wife and mother, I can only get form of maintenance is I stay single for the rest of my life. I don't want to be financially bound to anyone ever again...why am I no0t entitled to my share of our assets, regardless of what I do with the rest of my life.