you started by saying your husband ccheated on you then you tell us about this guy. Something is wrong there, run before you became a cheater too unless ofcourse that's what you are planning?

Move on girl dnt waste ur time on the cheater.

You say this guy makes you very happy. You already shagged the guy. Whats wrong with you, you know the fire ony burns for as long as this guy desires. Did you find out who he is also making happy? Sex is usually hot in an affair not so much in a relationship. Marriage is for beter or for worse.Make your husband swear that he wont cheat again and then add your terms. Tell him you are quitting for someone else if he even tries it again. Be serious.

make an agreement with him you go out with the guy you fancy and let him carry on with his flings

Isnt there place for morality anymore. Why dont you want them to fix their marriage

Yes

I agree with Rob.. find out why you husband is cheating. Are you doing every thing from you side to keep him at home? Remember, that if you leave your husband and keep with you new lover, things will only change too. Maybe because you are not attracted to you husband you are not maintenancing him regularly. he has needs etc etc. i am not taking his side, but you are the one with the question.

"cheated several times" why are you only looking to leave now???? Should have done it a long time ago. Catch my wife cheating once, just once and she is out the door. Trust would be broken, never to be returned. Sorry, but true.

Very difficult one...no simple answers as some would make out. Marriage can survive affairs, can even help, but not often. There are reasons for being and staying married that do not include sex, or even love...in fact these reasons are relatively modern inventions and pretty fickle ones at that. I think the decision whether to pursue your heart/needs with this other guy is a separate one from whether or not you wish to save your marriage. Both are tough ones! What is going to help you be the best that you can be? How is what you do going to impact others? Last one: developing the other relationship could well be a real boost to your sense of self worth, which could help you make future choices that are positive for you and others...rather than just hanging on while your husband has fun

i understand though why you havent left, he is probably telling you he wont do it again. One a cheater always a cheater. THe only thing i think that you should do is leave your husband and then take thing very slow with this guy if you feel he makes you happy because what if he only wanted an extra marital affair with you? you never know with men

leave your cheating husband. if you are not his everything - then he should be nothing at to you. please dont start a relationship cheating. Do it properly. Leave your husband, and then start your relationship with your new "friend". Relationships based on cheating and lying just dont last and too many people get hurt.

okey madam.what u did was very wrong.you dont repay evil by evil.very soon u will reap what you are sowing.the word of god says "what God has put 2gether let no man put usunder.even you who is in the marriage.pliz ask for forgiveness from god and love yo husband.

So you wanna chat to stay with you husband or to hurt him...take it you wanna hurt him....Move on, you wasting your time...all you gonna do is get hurt yourself..again..

What a sex crazy world this is and you want to become crazy by committing adultery.
This sounds like Zuma screw here and screw there.
.
The reason God destroyed people who committed adultery was for the very same reason you want to commit adultery.
So because he is screwing around you want to screw around.

Dont do it!!! Work on your marriage. Find the love again. Don't do it!!!!!!! I cheated and now have to live with it every damn day. It's torture you dont want that GUILT

NO YOU SHOULD NOT CHEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF SOMEONE IS WILLING TO CHEAT WITH YOU, HE IS WILLING TO CHEAT ON YOU.!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What are you waiting for ??? GO CHEAT... Women can also do what men do,Go Girl

My husband cheats on me. Yet, he won't leave and will not support me financially if I do and, being realistic with two kids, bond, school fees, car payments, debt etc etc, why should I suffer financially and emotionally. Yes, I have had the opportunity to cheat on him and yes, I have met someone for coffee but that is it. I will not hurt another man because my husband hurt me. I have made good friends and one day, when the time is right, which will be soon, I will be gone, quietly and financially stable and with my pride. Keep the friendship but make it clear that is all - we all need someone to talk to and just because it is the opposite sex does not mean it is cheating unless there is sex involved.

@MJ - MJ , what you are doing is cheating on your husband..! you are meeting someone behind his back, the excitement that is running through you when you are arranging to meet him, hidding the phone calls and messages, you might as well suck his knob, as its all the same. you are cheating on him.

Ever heard the saying "you loose them like you meet them" ? If this new guy is willing to have an affair with you, knowing you are married, he will do the same to you. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

an eye for an eye gets everyone satisfied

Two wrongs will never make a right honey.

You know what is the most interesting, is not the matter at hand which is the advise she is asking for. Is the comments that is posted. Other than Paul Bethke and a few other comments its amazing to see how accepted its become to cheat and be in a marriage for money only!! Our society and social system has completely failed and looking at our president as our example.....that says enough on its own!

What do you say those vows for in front of GOD and the 150 odd witnesses at your wedding (Depending on religion)?? Marriage has become a fashion accessory rather than a life long commitment to that person.

Nobody is perfect and temptations will always be there, but people who act on those temptations instead of working on the real problem is weak and don't deserve to be happy. Have you tried sitting down with you husband and actually asking where it all went wrong, and if he doesn't stop i don't blame you for getting a divorce. But do it with some class, don't commit adultery because then you stooping to the same level as as your husband. Also i got to agree with a few comments, if you think this guy that u met is so awesome and his willing to have an affair, as soon as it becomes serious and you get a divorce and you start dating etc. Do you honestly think he will trust you?? Cause you did cheat on your husband with him. Whats stopping you doing it again? So he will be needy and want to know your every move, in turn forcing you to do things behind his back. Its a vicious circle!

Now we all know Attracion is not a choice and it does not matter what people commented on this site, you going to do what your feeling tells you. Just remember you going to have to live with the consequences of those actions. Good luck and i really hope your marriage works out rather than your sideline!

you know what is right and you know deep down in your heart what you should do and I don't think its cheating underwise you wouldn't hae asked us.

No matter what and how nice you treat your husband being a total slave if he has it in his blood he will do it over and over again. You will onlyl become more miserable over the years leave now and start your new life before you regret the wasted years with him... been there done that and stayed to be hurt even more in the end.

Do you also have a finacial problem? try Zuma
Man this guy is hot....who said Brad Pitt. Hey Just kidding

Will it really make you feel better to know that you are going to be doing the very thing that hurts you so much? Even is you feel it is justified, will it make you a better or a worse person? If your hubby is an unfaithful lout and has no intention of turning his back on his ways, maybe divorce is the only honourable option.

@Sasha,Two thongs make nice honey

I dont see wht everyone is attacking her, no where did she say she was sleeping with him, and no, just because you meet with someone doesnt mean its cheating, whether it be a man or women, its such double standards from the lot of you. But then i take it you have never had to experiance the hurt of finding out your significant other has cheated on you and just btw its not always the womens fault, believe me, in my case i was cheated on because the b*tch who wanted my boyfriend at the time, carried on and on until he gave in, so stuff it, i dont need that in my life, im worth so much more. But seriously all of you are hypocritical and if you say you dont have girl/guy friends that you meet with you are lying, whether it be privately or at work. FFS

I can not believe that you actually need advise on this, do you love your husband? If so do everything in your power to save your marriage, if not don't cheat. Have the guts to end it first and start a new life the right way. WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TOO!!!! IS THERE STILL ANY DECENT PEOPLE OUT THERE?

@D_A : and by the way, I say what I said in my previous comment not out of hearsay or just an opinion based on morals alone. My husband cheated on me. I made a choice not to have that in my life after it became clear the marriage could not be saved and because I am worth more I moved on. Apparently today it is wrong to build a relationship on basics first before jumping in bed.

Well, all i can say is that i've been through it. My wife cheated on me after being together 7 years (7 years itch!!)and I found out. The worst was that it was a old flame which was also married and had a child - a 3 year old daughter. I was terribly hurt but we still loved each other - just out of sync. We managed to rebuild our marriage and are happy again. I forgave them both and switched all that bad energy into positive energy - without doing that i would never have had the strength. Its been 3 years now and we expect our first child in april - a son! Believe me it's not easy to return the trust that was broken but its always worth the try - it takes time to know each other. It still sometimes haunt me but it gets better and reminds me to never just assume things or what we have between each other. Marriage is not easy and I can tell you that EVERYONE will struggle one time or another with problems. Its hard work and BOTH partners need to work hard to make it work. Love, respect and trust are the building blocks without them you will only find hurt and hate eventualy. Starting over does not always means its going to be easy either. Eventually the fire will burn less intense and you will need those three things to keep it going.
Just my 2cents, Peace'n'love

I am 8 months pregnant and I found that my husband was cheating on me (this is the 3rd time). I still love him, however, I just cannot bring myself in loving him anymore. I have now decided to divorce him. I am just waiting for the birth of our baby and the divorce process will commence. I am a Christian and do not want to go this route, however, I am also thinking about my sanity, intergrity and looking after myself and that of my baby. It's hard, as we have tried counselling both times I found out about the affairs and I feel I have done all I could.

Good for you Namnhla I will I have your strength, I don't know how many times that my husband has cheated on me; with his colleagues and every women he lays his eyes on, he even let them call me and say whatever they want to say and yes he abuses me physically. I have finaly left his last week but now he calls me every minute of the day asking for forgiveness and he want to go to counselling to be honest I don't think it will help. My head tells me to proceed with the divorce but my heart still wants him. I am a Christian I have been praying to God to grant me wisdom.

Namhla. The least u can do is tell ur husband to his face what u r goin to do instead of milking him for money and then when the time is right for u, u leave him. Pls stop being hypocritical. At least in this way he will now openly go on with his mistress whilst u r out of the way instead of u being a leecher.

Huni dnt waste your time on your husband. You are foreer going to have that dount in your mind is he cheating or is he not. You will loose yourself in the procees its best to move on and start your life anew. Also this new guy are you sure strong feelings for and not lust for wanting to be needed. you need to assess your situation and think "what is best for me now". Good Luck

Rob is right;as a married man I can assure you that what you calling"making me happy" ia in factin your head because you want to compensate what you are laking from your husband.Did he is knowns your marital status?Tell him about the idea of getting together for life and trust me your guy will have a long face before he disappear for good. Have a franck talk with your husband and ask him what drives him out and then if it is a bed issue fix by praying God before sleepping together. IT'S WORKS

joe you are a jerk ass. how can you say something like this.Namhla is not milking him money, she just waiting for the birth of her baby and the divorce process will commence.you dont respect women.you are the biggest leecher. what comes around goes around and in life you reap what you sow. Namhla am proud of you my sister. your happiness comes first. once a cheater alwys a cheater.

Please my dear the answer is in you heart ask GOD to help u give u strength to make a decision TRUST GOD

I hope u'll take that as a lesson. Next time u must play far from a man who cheats on u even once.

My husband said he wanted a divorce because he was not getting sex. Of course he was not getting sex: he would sit watching TV, smoking and drinking coffee all day while I was at work. When I came home our bedroom would look like a pigsty and dishes had not been washed for 3 days in a row. I did not ask much: please take out the garbage in time to be collected and do the dishes (I made dinner). He was lazy, so I divorced him. Now he is living with his mother in an old age home (oh yes) and still not getting sex!! Life is too short to be stuck with a 'remskoen'. When a person does not have the self discipline to do his share of an agreement dump him and find someone who does.

Thanks Albert and Rob! You two guys have added comments from a man's point of view which I believe to be true, and you've helped me understand what I have nearly got myself into! On my part, the guy and I are both married, he approached me and I guess I was flattered, since lacking attention from my husband for many years, and putting up with his long-term affair. I just never thought it would happen to me...my hubby and I have discussed the issue, I was still wavering, but thanks to you guys, I'm going to put my immaturity behind us and work on my marriage! My hubby has changed entirely...affair long over and I believe the change is for real. I will not pursue the path with the other man. Other man I now believe has an addiction problem, and I doubt I'm the only one, he's taking his fun where he can get it, but not from me anymore! I'm just thankful it never got to the physical stage!!! So, to the person who posted here, if you love your husband, do everything you can to fix the marriage.

I think you should try and patch things up with him.Maybe you let him know how much ur hurt and see if that would heal the wound before you make a conclusion on who to choose. Who knows if the new guy is a worse version of your husband.A devil you know is better than an angel you don;t know.

Dont Do It! Two wrongs dont make a right. If you are tempted to have sex with someone else you are as bad as him, maybe you should consider parting ways.

Go on, cheat on him. He deserves it big time. But be warned, if he finds out he might leave you for good despite your having stayed. The trust is already broken, so why not have a nice time whislt you can, at his expense nogal!

Girlie, take it from me, I am in a similiar situation, but there was no affairs I think we grew apart. I met someone who is great company. The relationship is just that (at least for now, who knows). The point that I am trying to make is that if you decide to leave this guy, make sure that the reason is not that you have someone else, but because it is for you. Having friends are great as long there are boundaries, in your cases, attraction lead to something that will cross those boundaries. Goodluck in your decision on the future and if something materialises from your friendship with this guy, I hope it will be sustainable for you.

hi,sorry for your situation. i've cheated on my girlfriend and she found out.it destroyed us.i still love her so much.she end up cheating on me and i forgave her. but now she does'nt know who she love's.it hurts me more because if i never being selfish we will be still happy today i believe.i love her so much.its been a month broken up she said she needs space. i'll do anything to be with her,i've tried everything to get back to after she cheated.what your husband is doing is wrong,but try to speak to him.man never realise what they have untill its gone.i hope every day that its not late.i love her so much her smile,just looking at her i'll always believe evrything will be alright.please pray and speak to your husband.that new guy his a brilliant guy at the beginning after some time what his worse or he cheats too.look man are stupid and try to keep up with them you end up loosing your self.i wish my girlfriend everyday that i can see her and she tells me lets forget about everything.real love comes once,its a blessing.you married that man for a reason,and its only you and your god who knows.we can give advices but at the end of the day.you married that man.if youreally married him because for love,then things will work out.please mam dont loose your self because of someone.the world is field with things we never understand.he'll come around i promise.i dont her space she wants is for to test the new guy,but i believe that she will come back to me as much as everyone says i must move on.i wont move on without my candice i love her to bits.i believe if she loved me before she still have feels something for me.if she reads this maybe she must know i love her and its hard for me to see other girls. i love you mama.please mam dont destroy something it took years to build because at the end you might not be happy.remember the next guy he is also human,that means he might cheat are you going to leave him.are going to move around till when.dont just act,remember you not the only one in that position.i hope you make a right choice.God bless you

Eish Sister Tebogo is right, if you really love your husband work towards fixing things. Im in a kind of situation my husband cheated on me and in a process the baby was born because of his believes and everything He make a decision to marry the lady and make her the second wife. I love my husband so much and He loves me too that i know. I didnt leave him we still together try to make our marriage work and copy with this additins to our family. He treat me well like before nothing changed, He treat me like his only wife but

Thanks for the comments, Im in an almost same dilemma, been married for almost 10 yrs, husband has always been cheating as he has been working in another country, had another child with first baby mom who has now moved to the same country he is in, I have found thta he is a serial cheater with girlfriends everywhere including here in S.A. that he visits when he comes homes to us his family, he spends most of his money with his baby mom and their kids, he sess them more often than he sees us. and he doesnt even feel guilty only to say Im sorry everytime I found out aboput his affairs. we have 2 kids and house but I feel its enough and I need to move out of the house we bought together. I have had advences from other man which ended with just kissing but didnt go further but now I feel like I need to revenge and have a full time relationship with other men not to feel lonely and make him feel the pain I felt all the yrs with him, he doenst want to let me go and has told me that he's alao in lo9ve with his babies mom. Do I leave him or try and work out on my marriage once more, I love him but he hurts me so much.

Don't lower yourself to his level get a divorce and move on.

dnbgirl I feel 4 you

Being cheated isn’t always an easy thing – because of all the separate emotions playing a roll within this difficult time, dependent of course whether you are still in love with your husband. However jugging by your statement “this new man makes me happy” almost gives me the impression that both you and your husband aren’t emotionally satisfied within the relationship……… meaning that the spark is fading or has already faded!! – my suggestion to you would be communication between both parties, workout whether your living together would be sensible or is the easiest way to part for each other?

Believe me – when I say “living within a fragile environment will in end be cause the of breaking class

he's done it more than once. he's just not worth it, i say move on its good that he didnt trash your heart and you are still able to love& i advise you to forgive him and move on with your life not because you met someone else.

Please do it the right way, tell your husband is over..... and carry on your life.

Hi everyone,

I have a gory story to tell, my husband for years was so abusive, physical and emotional.I was a nurse at the time, and when I come after work he would tell me I smell a man or cigarette any bad thing he would decide. Most of the time moody in the house, always had something to blame me towards, always accused me of cheating. After my 35th birthday I thought I am not crying anymore I am just going to defend myself, like revenge sort of. He started his nonsense, cheat accussations, I replied back so what? if you are fool then I am cheating on you.I could not tell anyone, no one would believe me as he is thee prominent sweet guy, at church, home etc. He suddenly changed and became a sweet person, because I opened my mouth and fought back.You know honestly that was the time I was preparing to leave him.

Some people are just very odd!

A man cheats once, it's a mistake. Fine let that slide and move on.

But twice, thrice and even more, and you still choose to stay. Now that's just being a fool.

Don't be like me, I let it slide once and paid for it with my health and peace of mind. Because I stayed, I, the innocent victim, now have to suffer the consequences,

It's 2010 people, staying for the sake of children and love and all the other excuse just won't suffice or protect you from the diseases out there. You need honesty, faithfulness, trust, commitment, dedication, etc. Love REALLY does not conquer all.

Don't stay for your children, move on and live for them.

HIV/AIDS is very real people.

This whole issue of men who cheat brings pain, so much pain to you, families and kids. I agree with Miss Candy 2nd time, 3rd it says something about the man. but what i have discovered is they still dont find what they looking for. It becomes a habit.

sticking to a cheater is sticking to a disease. If he truly loved you he would not have cheated in the first place so i say divorce him and look forward to a brighter future. remember you cannot afford to repay evil with evil

leave him. sticking to a cheater is sticking to a disease

Hi all, I thought i was the only one with problems. My husband of six year cheated on me in 2008 and I only found out about it recently. It's been difficult, i want to forgive him, but the pain is just too intense. At the time I suspectd that there was something going on but did not have proof,he covered his tracks so well. Never had any disappering acts, was always at home on time, how they saw each other with the other woman I don't know, but he did have an affair. And how I found out, was by chance.

Anyway when I found out i was shattered, and did not know what to do. I thought of leaving but i still love and I want to save my marriage. I'm still with even though it is so hard, how do we move on, what do we do?

I asked him whay he did it and he said it was a stupid mistake and he is sorry, wants us to try again and be a family again. What i don't understand is why men do this? Why dstroy something that you have worked on for so long for just a few minutes of meaningless pleasure. He says the relationship did not mean anything to him and it only laste dofr three months and he ended it, but why do it. My heart is telling to stay and save my marriage but my mind is telling me something else. I gave my marriage all i have in terms of trying to do things right i don't know what else to do.

Been married 43 years,and we shouldn't have gotten married but we were young. Our marriage has been screwed up all these years. There isn't any love, intimacy and no sex in 43 years (well maybe 3 dozen times). We've gotten use to this situation and were in our mid to late 60s and nothing is going to change now. My husband and I are friends and I can't see why agony aunt can't be just friends with her husband like we are.