If after all this time and fighting etc you still get the cold shoulder from your friends about your man, then baby there might be a fire where this billowing smoke is coming from, sooooo, I would type an open letter via e-mail to all the whining friends (to ALL the same time) and say..... ok I hear ya!
BUT I am not sure WHY you are feeling and seeing / saying these things; and now without being nasty and calling him names or MAKING things up, I am giving you one chance to tell me without being nasty of prejudice WHY you feel he is bad or bad for me and if you really think it is in my best interest to be done with the relationship.
PLEASE make two lists; What you DO LIKE about him, and a list ***NO name calling*** what you DO NOT like about him. Each friend must do this individually and describe HIS/HER own feelings and not what they have talk about, individually feelings and observations.
I will in the meantime prepare a list with my own likes and dislikes and as I receive their lists I will send it out to them as a courtesy. I will then make one big list of what everyone says (for myself).
The likes and the dislikes and tackle the dislikes one by one. ONLY real bad items will count for discussion. Like; he talks down to you, he steals or he uses drugs or molests children, he abuses me or he is having affairs, REAL things like that would and should be considered.
Petty things like ? he does not iron his clothes or he does not drop the toilet seat or he chews with his mouth open or he laughs like a hyena SHOULD NOT be considered.
Either these discussion points will convince and open my eyes to who and what I am dating OR I will be able to convince them that he is not a gogga and not lured from the gutter with a wet Marie biscuit! BUT I'll be honest with myself and I will REALLY read and listen to their problem and make my own mind up based on FACTS after hearing out there woes.
This is what I would do.....
Well it actually happened to me! My best friend of many years didn't like my new boyfriend and vice versa. They would make crack remarks at each other and nasty faces. I soon realised that it wasn't that they didnt like each other but that they both felt threatened by the other that i was being "taken away".
I then started talking less about the other in front of the other and then they actually started asking questions. Once I arranged to meet them both somewhere and then i was "running late" for 3 hours, once i knew that they were at the meeting place together.
They both started chatting and once the "threat" of me was out the way, they started getting a long well. I then arrived and told them that I loved them both and that they were both very important in my life and if they wanted to be part of it, they had to get over their differences and accept each other. Now they are the best of friends, go places together without me, email to ask how the other is etc.
All it took was to stand back, let them have their face off and reassure them that I loved them both. I'm not saying that this will work for everyone but often, at the root of the dislike is the fact that friends feel they are going to loose their friend!
I think that your friends will generally have your well-being in mind, so I think it is important to give them the air-time they feel necessary to say their say, and for you to try to listen objectively.
But, on the other hand, you probably know him better than they do, so it is important that they give him a chance, so that they can get to know him better.
I think that you should keep activities separate for now (with your girlfriends and with the new guy), and keep joint outings to a minimum. That way you still get to have "girl-time" (which is ESSENTIAL) and you have the special time with him.
Over time, if he is the one, your friends will probably see that you are really happy and get used to his "different" manner (if he has kept you happy all along), and if you have changed, they will see it straight away and then it would be wise to listen to their opinion.
You must still be yourself with him - if you start changing, then it is not a good sign (except if your change is for the better). Good luck!
Get all your friends together and decide to start a little game at your house (with dinner and drinks of course).
Get a black board / white board / huge piece of paper. And once everyone's settled, tell them that you'll be having a little debate, this is to show them that you're kind of serious about this guy, but you still respect and value their views and concerns.
And it's important to you that everyone gets along.
Two columns on the white board, pros and cons. You get to list one good quality about your man that they don't know about. They get one chance to prove you wrong and if they can't, it's one point for you.
Then they list one bad quality they see in him, and you get the chance to explain / convince them why he is like that, because after all, you know him better than they do.
For example, they say he doesn't make an effort to talk to any of your friends, you say, he is generally a shy person and is worried that the people you love might reject him therefore you'll reject him as well.
And if you honestly can't defend him, then it'll be a point for them. The key is to keep an open mind and for everyone to remember not to be nasty. Also it's very important for everyone to be completely honest, including you.
Maybe you should even appoint someone to stop this game when everyone gets too emotional. This is just an opportunity for everyone to say what they want to. And for you to let your friends know what exactly you see in the guy they hate.
There are a lot of factors to take into consideration with this situation. How long have you been friends with these gals? How did they react to the previous relationships you were in? How serious are you and your man?
Let's say you have known your gal pals for years and they have "approved" of the previous men in your life. Then I would say you should take a look at yourself. Have you changed since dating this new guy?
Are you still making "alone" time with your friends? (Some friends may get jealous if you leave them out in the cold while you?re snug as a pug in love)
If you find that you may have changed and that your priorities have changed then take some time to reflect on the changes and see if you need to adjust anything.
Maybe it's the changes in you that have come out since this relationship, that your friends don't like. If you find that your spidy-senses are quite in tune and that your man is really someone you need in your life, then address the problem with your friends each alone with some quality time.
Explain that you would like to see if there is a future with this guy but that you value their opinion and would like to hear what it is that they don?t like. Once you have actual evidence on what it is they don?t like, you can start fixing the problem. If they don't like the way he treats you as a girlfriend/person then I would say that its time to kick him into the donga and find a better suited partner.
If it's because they find him obnoxious or rude, it's something you could work on. Make note of how he is with your friends, see if his reactions or what he says to your friends is when he is himself or on his nerves.
Plan some chat time with him. Discuss some things YOU'VE noticed and were just wondering where it came from. May seem like a lot of work but if your friend's and your man is important then its worth the slow manipulation of data.