Don't underestimate the power of a simple Facebook status or profile picture in the quest to reclaim your man.

So, you've tried the "direct" approach by declaring your love in a drunken text. But in the process, you lost your dignity and any part of sanity your manicured fingers managed to grasp on to. 

Your feet are aching in protest because running after the guy who is the Edward to your Bella is no joke in nine inch heels. But, after all your attempts at rekindling the love, he still broke your heart before you could make it to Breaking Dawn.

Now, you are bed ridden, heart sore and gulping down chocolate chip ice-cream faster than the tears are running down your puffy face.

And the worst thing is...

According to his Facebook updates, he’s having the time of his life!

A part of you merely wants to cyber-stalk him constantly in the hope that he is hurting just as much as you are. But, in-between typing out his name in your search bar and spying on his friends list, you realise the good actually outweighs the bad and YOU WANT HIM BACK!

For the love of onions, DON’T post a desperate sounding message on his wall hinting at your availability, or update your own status with some cryptic quote about your ‘love being eternal.’

Rather go about it in a more subtle sneaky way...

So, surround yourself with girlfriends who have firstly, internet access and secondly, moral support to offer. And then...

Create fake male Facebook accounts

Yes, you heard me. Be the sexiest, charming and besotted fake Facebook friend you can imagine and pretend to be in love with yourself. Let ‘Jacob’ exclaim how much fun he had with you last night on your wall. Remember to use the security settings on your fake profiles so that no-one can view your imaginary friend’s walls.

Do not over do it with the praise though, I know we all love a good compliment but please, don’t make it seem like Jacob is your stalker.

Channel your inner sexy and then post pics to prove it

Bring out that little black dress from the back of your closet and take as many sexy (but not slutty or duck-faced) pictures of yourself and your girls. Have captions similar to ‘Night out on Longstreet! Look out Cape Town!” This maintains the mystery (and total fabrication that you have a life) and also assures your ex that you haven’t lost your charm.

Change your profile picture to something interesting

Like you roller skating hand-in-hand with some random cute guy or enjoying pasta ala Lady and the Tramp and wait it out.

Then when you've got your ex where you want him...

Do the things he used to love about you!

Dress up, shave your legs and smile! And remember, a good status update won't hurt.

Follow these simple tricks and your ex will be inboxing you in no time. It’s completely mercenary and evil, but hey, all is fair in love and war…right?

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Would you be desperate enough to try these tricks?

By: Gadeeja Abbas