“Three years and one partner after I lost my virginity, I had my first orgasm.
The first guy I slept with was selfish both in and out of bed; sex was average at best. Foreplay was minimal and his technique was – for a supposedly sexually experienced man – decidedly poor.
Sex became more of a chore than a pleasure and, being inexperienced and unconfident, I thought the reason I wasn’t feeling satisfied was my fault, because my bits weren’t working properly.
My next bedroom partner was a different kettle of fish. He was not only equally concerned with my pleasure, but probably more so than his own. Endless foreplay, glorious technique.
For two years with him, however, the big O was still a no-show. I was getting to the ‘brink’ every time, but never quite got there.
Despite this, I was loving sex for the first time and couldn’t get enough of it. Sex was fine without orgasm, I thought…
…Then suddenly, one day, it happened. I stopped focusing on the fact that I wasn’t coming, accepted that it might not happen and then – BOOM – it snuck up on me.
When I let go of my inhibitions and my expectations, there it was, hiding behind them. And, man, was it worth the wait!
My husband asked me recently to explain what my orgasms felt like– I think he was a little in awe of how I reacted each time when I came: out of control, as loud and as jerky as Beyonce’s dance technique (apparently this looks sexy, I’m not so sure).
This was my answer: it starts as a wild, pulsing heat down below and this heat quickly ripples through the rest of my body in massive shockwaves of pleasure.
You could ask me my own name in that moment and I wouldn’t know – my brain completely empties and I am wholly at the mercy of my body…”
About the book:
In My First Time, Southern African women have shared their stories about their significant first time experiences of sex and sexuality. This is a collection of honest, powerful, and brave accounts. Some joyful, others funny and some heartbreaking, but all of them important for women, and hopefully men, to read.
The collection includes stories such as: My first orgasm, My first abortion, My first miscarriage, My first kiss with a woman, My first memory of being aroused, The first time I had to deal with rape and my first post-divorce sex.
We've also featured an additional few extracts from the book listed below.
The First Time I Bought a Vibrator
The First Time I was Pregnant for a day
My First Experience of Sexual Assault
Do you remember your first time? Share your experiences with us below.
Visit myfirsttimesa.com to read more stories and to find out information on how to pre-order.
You can also visit the Modjadji’s Facebook page for more information on their titles.